Don't Give Up

Ugh… the infamous - Ghosted! What a load of crap! It is the most immature thing someone can to do someone that you have actually spent time with… talking, dating or even just texting. Just get over yourself, grow up and communicate! Am I bitter? No… lol - just irritated. Honestly the guy that ghosted me, I didn’t even like. Haha! I know… I know… it sounds bitter - but I promise - I really didn’t see it going anywhere… however, I would have never ghosted him - I would  have simply said… and I was about to… “I’m just not feeling it.” Boom! Done and done. Simple, honest and some closure. I guess it’s because I’m a grown up… and he isn’t. And for some of my readers that may not be familiar with this term (for you mom… haha) it means: someone cuts off all communication without explanation. (Insert hand on the forehead emoji) So it begins… an old high school acquaintance finds out I’m single and reaches out through social media. I immediately go to their profile to see if time has been good

I recently celebrated 43 years around the sun. This past week has been an accumulation of working, camping, fishing, filming and celebrating… the highest of highs - but you know what happens after a high - the low. We can’t stay on the mountaintop forever… and I've learned that every new mountaintop is just the valley for the next mountain to climb. Normally I would look for a distraction to keep me from feeling low - but today, I decided to embrace it. I took a deep breath, recognized what I was experiencing, thanked God for another year on this earth and then I cried. That hard sobbing, snot pouring, feels like it'll never stop kinda crying. Honestly, I feel guilty when I have moments like this. I feel like because I have so much to be thankful for…. my kids, my parents, my sister, my bestie, my tribe, my salvation, my job… and the list goes on and on that I should never feel sad or down. I have a full life. I have a happy life… but I'm slowly learning that - that doesn’t

Why are men so incapable of communicating their feelings? I'm sorry guys... I really am... but you are not the smarter sex when it comes to relationships. You just aren't. I read ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus', it proves my point... read it - you’ll see. And furthermore your communication level seems to stop somewhere around the 5th grade, you know where you’re chasing the girl you like around the playground but never have the courage to say “I like you”. Women if you are the mother of sons - teach them to communicate what they are thinking AND feeling. I've got 2 sons... I know the struggle is real (sigh) - but we have to try - I digress - Not trying to man bash… but the frustration is real. Ladies - I know you know exactly what I am talking about. Let’s dive in… I was “talking” to this guy… let’s call him Ben. I’ve never dated a Ben… so this should be safe. So Ben and I had been talking for a couple of months. Side bar - the dating lango is exhausting… we h

Jiminy Cricket! Thank you everyone for your overwhelming support of my last post! If I had known my new single status and sharing hilarious to pathetic pick up lines would bring so much laughter to your day… I would have started blogging about these experiences much sooner. Haha! And with that being said let me not delay in your daily dose of humor - here goes an experience that I will not soon forget. It was a much needed getaway planned at the beach. I had been under an extreme amount of stress at home and at work and all I could think about was getting away for a weekend. I wanted to relax and unwind and let the ocean wash all of the stress away (it's my happy place)… at least for a day or 2. Meeting someone was not on my agenda, but when this seriously handsome tall drink of water walked up and started chatting me up... I have to admit - the stress melted away, momentarily that is.  He was handsome, had a 6 pack that could do my laundry anytime and a smile that would melt your…

 Did I seriously just title a blog post “Dating Again”? This crazy new season of life is coming with changes faster than I can keep up with them. It’s been exactly 569 days since my separation and 82 days since my divorce was final. No, I’m not keeping track...hahahaha… I Googled it! So - it’s been roughly a year and half of singleness and I’ve finally decided to openly blog about it… my heart is telling me NO and my mind is screaming YES - because frankly - some of this stuff is just too funny to keep to myself. Sooooo goodbye to blogs of yesteryear... where I was married, raising a family and actively running a ministry. I've always heard things change in the blink of eye - well... I'm learning this isn't just a saying... it is truth! I'm saying hello to shaving my legs every day (Lord help me), co-parenting and dating... again.... and again.... and again (Seriously... Lord help me).  I feel like my favorite scripture still applies... because the Word of God never cha

Are you asking yourself, "Did I read that right"? Did this "Christian" blogger just say she's taking Jesus to the bar? Yep! You did. I took Jesus with me to the bar and the results were... well... let's just say - unexpected. Honestly, I'm not sure what I was expecting... or that I was expecting anything. Nevertheless - just like always - God showed up! I think I should paint the picture for you first... just so you know this isn't a blasphemous post or a condemning post or any of the things that could come across as sacrilegious. It's simply an experience that touched my heart in a time when I needed it most. Time to paint that picture. At the same time as the craziness of COVID hit the world, my 20 year marriage dissolved in front of me. During this time, I sought out new adventures to keep me busy and distracted. Some would say this was heading out to play in the devil's playground. They would be correct. But let's be real - the earth

Have you ever seen a scene from a movie or television show where the villain reaches into the chest of the victim and rips their heart out with their bare hands (or claws) and then squeezes it so hard the blood dramatically drips through their grasp and causes a reaction in you - the viewer - that reminds you of something you've experienced in real life?  If you're squeamish, please forgive the visual - but I felt it necessary to try to convey the depths of my pain before explaining - my refusal to give up.  Maybe the need to put it so theatrically is the actress in me... or maybe it's just the blunt truth - the days following my separation that would lead to my divorce felt just like the details above - my heart was unexpectedly ripped out of my chest and was squeezed harder than anything I can imagine - while the previous 20 plus years ran down his fingertips and created a puddle of forgotten memories on the ground.  The following months were a mix of blessings, bad decis

 If you are an overthinker like me it is so hard to sit still and just be in the moment. My mind is literally racing all of the time. When someone says something to me… I think about everything it could mean and then follow each one of those scenarios down the rabbit hole to a literal Wonderland….wondering why the heck my brain does this to me? Or if I’m someplace that I should be enjoying and taking in the moment instead of letting it pass me by - first I have to make a conscious effort to ignore the millions of brain waves sitting there like a racehorse waiting for the gun shot to bolt out of the gate. I can feel them wanting to blast off and confuse my already confused self. I believe this is a sum of everything I’ve been through this last year and feeling a tad (okay a lot) of anxiety of what’s to come. I recently went away for a few days… in hopes of clearing my mind. On the way to my destination I was talking with a friend and she suggested that when I got to where I was going I

 I’m sure I don’t even have to ask...I already know the answer - you’ve been there. A life changing event that left you paralyzed for the moment… maybe longer and once recovered you were completely and totally changed forever! That’s my current status. Changed forever. It’s been over a year now since my separation and my divorce papers should be in the mail as I write this… on their way to me - legally obsolving my 20 year marriage. A lifetime. A season of raising 3 amazing children, taking family vacations, laughing, crying and doing life together. Now, I’m doing life - single. Single mom, single woman and just plain single.  The separation didn’t only affect my family life - but my career, my social life, the ministry we built, plans for the future...every single aspect of my life has been changed in some way or the other.  However, I’m not picking up the pieces and trying to put it back together. Rather I’m leaving them there and using them as building blocks for a new future. My fo

Have you heard the song 100 Bad Days by AJR? Our family has a collaborative playlist on Spotify and one of my sons added this song to it. A year ago I would have rolled my eyes and removed it...but after this past year...I embraced it. It kind of reminded me of my 2020. There were so many bad days intertwined with good days, however, those bad days sure have made some interesting stories.  These are stories that I'm sure most of us have experienced - but in all honesty we are probably too embarrassed to talk about. What I am not ashamed to talk about is God's unconditional love... even on my worst days. I received a letter in the mail today from a family member that I don’t talk to very often. We keep in touch via Facebook but that’s about it. It is impossible for them to know the depths of my soul and the inner workings of my mind. Only God has access there. This letter was as if they did. They spoke to my heart in a way that only occurs when I open the Word of God or have spe