Authentically Amy

I recently celebrated 43 years around the sun. This past week has been an accumulation of working, camping, fishing, filming and celebrating… the highest of highs - but you know what happens after a high - the low. We can’t stay on the mountaintop forever… and I've learned that every new mountaintop is just the valley for the next mountain to climb. Normally I would look for a distraction to keep me from feeling low - but today, I decided to embrace it. I took a deep breath, recognized what I was experiencing, thanked God for another year on this earth and then I cried. That hard sobbing, snot pouring, feels like it'll never stop kinda crying.

Honestly, I feel guilty when I have moments like this. I feel like because I have so much to be thankful for…. my kids, my parents, my sister, my bestie, my tribe, my salvation, my job… and the list goes on and on that I should never feel sad or down. I have a full life. I have a happy life… but I'm slowly learning that - that doesn’t mean I won't have bad days... or really sad days. Why? Because I'm learning I'm human! Haha! I know right... 43 years on this earth and I am just now learning that I am human. I am a Spirit being living inside of a flesh body with all kinds of feelings and emotions. And the coolest part is - God made me this way - on purpose. It's okay to visit the sad camp - just don't take up residence there.

 

I recently had a conversation with a friend that pointed out the highlight reel that is portrayed through social media. They said, your “fans” (this made me giggle) put a lot of pressure on you to keep livin' it up… and they said, you put a lot of pressure on yourself too. They said, I know you have down moments, and they are intimately yours, and you may not want to share them… but I bet if you did, it would encourage a lot of people. What they said hit me hard. I know that God has called me to encourage others. I love Him, I love people and I love helping people. I vowed to Him a long time ago that He could use me however He wanted. I didn't quite fully understand what I was getting myself into back then... but I knew I was taking a step of faith and that the bible tells us that's all God wants - is for us to love Him and trust Him. I also didn't realize encouraging others meant sharing your lowest moments and how God loves you through them even more so than praising Him for when things are going your way!

I remember hearing His voice during one of the darkest moments of my life - He said, let me use your life as a testament of my love. Let me tell you... if you have never experienced the voice of God coming to comfort you during what seems to feel like the darkest moments of your life... you need to experience it! It is an experience like none other. It brings peace in a way that cannot be articulated.

I know from the outside looking in, I am living my best life. Let me tell you - I am not. I am far from being at my best. But you know what… I’m on my way. I know God is with me… I know I am loved… I know I have a tribe that would fight for me… and I know just like the good days don’t last - neither do the bad. 

I thank my friend for encouraging me to share the authentic Amy… the one that absolutely does not have herself together. I am so much more complicated than a quick post of all my fabulous highlighted moments. I believe sharing the good, the bad and the ugly are equally important when trying to encourage others. It helps us to know we are not alone. We are all in this storm of life together. I am just one person in this extraordinary universe. But - I am also the only me in this universe… just like you are the only you.  I sincerely believe you were created on purpose for a purpose and that if you surrender yourself to the Will of God in your life, you will experience, exceedingly and abundantly, far more than you can think or imagine. And if God wants to use my ugly along with my pretty… then so be it. I trust Him.

So in the midst of all that is ever changing in my life - I will push through the darkest days to bring you the raw truth of how magnificent God has been to me through all of it. I feel that if one life is touched by it... then it's all worth it.

Authentically Amy -  She is currently single and a mess. She cries herself to sleep some nights and feels lonely and insecure more than she cares to share. She questions almost everyone's intentions towards her and has huge walls built up all around. She's tired of hearing she's beautiful... she'd rather hear, I'll protect your heart, keep you safe... you can trust me. She is the mom of 3 rockstars (be still my heart), she works 40 hours a week at a job she likes, with co-workers she loves… she is an actress, a published author, an impatient driver - a coffee snob, a music lover, a hiking fanatic that feels complete peace when exploring outdoors and she is a hopeless romantic - that’s waiting for Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet, whisk her away to Ireland and stay in a castle… a reckless soul that has sinned more on purpose these past 2 years than the previous 20 combined. She has a heart that loves God and loves people and refuses to give up, no matter how hard life gets. 

My favorite scripture was always Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ whom strengthens me.

I think a more appropriate life scripture during this current season would be:

Jeremiah 3:14 - God is married to the backslider (paraphrased)

A little taste of reality amidst the highlight reel…

My birthday wish this year is this…

I pray that you know how incredible you are. You are never alone and you are loved far more than you can fathom. You are a one of a kind masterpiece that cannot be replicated. You are here for a reason and I’m cheering for you. Don’t give up, live life to the fullest, be authentic and give your heart to God… He knows exactly what to do with it. 

The rainbow is absolutely worth enduring the storm. 

Blessings my dear friends… Cheers to another trip around the sun!