Dating Chronicles: What Do You Bring to the Table?

After being married for 20 years, getting divorced, entering in and out of the dating world for the last 4 years and meeting so many different people along this journey... I have to confess - My curiosity has gotten the better of me. I've heard this question over and over again and I just need to know! Is - "What do you bring to the table?"  currently a first date, second date or third date conversation? Like do you really interview your potential match with this question? 

I was young when I got married and we both brought the same thing to the table. Nothing. Unless you count similar upbringings, equal morals and values. Financially we had nothing. No real estate, no stocks, no 401K... Nothing!

However I am well aware that dating now versus 25 years ago is completely different. I am constantly being reminded by those around me of my ancient way of thinking. So - in order to further educate myself and bring my caveman thoughts up to the 21st century, I decided to bring my question to the masses. If you are currently single or dating, is this a question you ask? And if so, why?

I understand that by the second or third go round you have built some wealth for yourself. Most of us have been working for a long time, we have savings, retirement plans, stocks, real estate etc... I understand not wanting to get taken advantage of or take a chance on going through what you may have gone through before... I also know that maybe being a great cook is something you bring to the table. So it doesn't have to be all about finances... but in my (and my acquaintances) experiences it has been all about the money (which I find very unattractive).

I have to admit when I was first asked this question, I thought to myself what a jerk. I met this guy for coffee and he proceeded to share all of his finances, how much he had in stocks, his net worth, what kind of car he drove etc... then he proceeded to ask me all of the same questions. I started with, I love Jesus, I believe the bible is the Holy inspired Word of God and I believe relationships should model after His commandments. I then asked him, shouldn't he be more concerned with my heart than my bank account. I mean what if I'm loaded but I'm a cheater. What if I own 5 houses but I'm not going to support you when you're down or bring you soup when you're sick?  And then he responds with "Well I assumed you were kind because you were a minister for a long time".  I said, Okay, I'll give you that as a good assumption however it would have been nice for you to ask me about my ministry days versus my paycheck. These other questions are rude for a first date and honestly everything you just shared with me didn't impress me... but actually made me assume you are hiding something else or you are very insecure and if not that... really cocky... all of which are extremely unattractive qualities. You should never have to tell someone how awesome you are. If you truly are a great catch, then they will see it for themselves. We never went out again.

That wasn't the only time this happened. It was just the first. It has also happened to several of my friends, men and women. I'm still shaking my head.

So tell me dear readers, did you ask this question and/or were you asked this question?   

Are the traditional days of dating really a thing of the past? Is it true that people don't really take time to get to know one another's hearts anymore? Is it all a financial transaction? Or worse... this is what I can do for you so what can you do for me? It seems so calculated and not romantic. What happened to falling in love naturally over time as you get to know someone. Sure you eventually have to talk about finances and if you decide to get married or live together then you definitely have to be transparent with what you can contribute. I just don't agree with it being brought up so soon.  And what if your potential match doesn't make a lot of money but they treat you so good in other ways that you can't imagine anyone else taking their place? Would you really pass them by because they can't financially keep up to your standards?

Do you bring a resume to your dates? Do you exchange them and then converse on deal breakers and non-negotiables? 

I think the misuse of Social Media has encouraged corruption in our society and trust is something that is greatly lacking in people's hearts today and this is a big reason for this type of insipid approach. It has ruined the making of organic and authentic bonds for those that have pure genuine hearts and just want real connections. 

You want my resume? Give me your cell phone and let me see what you do when no one is watching. That'll tell me more about your character than your paycheck! If I can't trust you then I don't care how much money you make, how many cars you own, how many houses you have or how many trips you can take me on.

Maybe that should be what we bring to the table... instead of sitting down and exchanging resumes... exchange cell phones on your first date. You'll find out really fast what the person sitting across from you is bringing to the table. 

I can't wait to hear the feedback on this one... 

Lastly...

I'm still following Jesus, trusting His plan and really working on not being so judgy...lol - It's hard - especially when I'm living in 2024 but should have been born in 1824. 

John 13:34 A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

We desperately need to get back to loving people the way God does.

Philippians 4:13