Just Be in the Moment

 If you are an overthinker like me it is so hard to sit still and just be in the moment. My mind is literally racing all of the time. When someone says something to me… I think about everything it could mean and then follow each one of those scenarios down the rabbit hole to a literal Wonderland….wondering why the heck my brain does this to me? Or if I’m someplace that I should be enjoying and taking in the moment instead of letting it pass me by - first I have to make a conscious effort to ignore the millions of brain waves sitting there like a racehorse waiting for the gun shot to bolt out of the gate. I can feel them wanting to blast off and confuse my already confused self. I believe this is a sum of everything I’ve been through this last year and feeling a tad (okay a lot) of anxiety of what’s to come.

I recently went away for a few days… in hopes of clearing my mind. On the way to my destination I was talking with a friend and she suggested that when I got to where I was going I should just stand still, take a deep breath and focus on being in the moment. She laughed when I asked her… how do I do this? For some it is so simple to be still, breathe and take it all in. For me, it’s a struggle. When you have wounds that have permanently scarred you - you tend to demand the outcome before you take another chance on anything ever again. Even as something as simple as standing at the edge of the ocean and taking in its beauty. Something that used to come so easy for me… now only comes after concentration and effort.

Shortly after I arrived at the beach, I walked down to where the ocean meets the sand, I took off my shoes, felt the soft powder between my toes, breathed in that incredible salty sea air and immediately thought - what is going to happen next? Haha! I’m sure you thought I was going to say - I felt peace come over me like a wave. I wish - but it didn’t happen. I opened my eyes, looked around, stared at the horizon and tried it again. Still my mind raced with thoughts of - why am I here - how did I get here - what am I going to do here and lastly, will I ever feel normal again? Those questions lead to more questions and finally I looked down at the sand and remembered the scripture Psalm 139: 

You have searched me, Lord,

    and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;

    you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;

    you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue

    you, Lord, know it completely.

5 You hem me in behind and before,

    and you lay your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

    too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?

    Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,

    your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

    and the light become night around me,”

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;

    the night will shine like the day,

    for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

    How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,

    they would outnumber the grains of sand—

    when I awake, I am still with you.

This may seem kind of silly - but thinking about how much God thinks about me - gave me peace. Staring at the gazillion grains of sand and putting into perspective how many thoughts that actually sums up to - let me know I could never outhink God. Haha! And if He is constantly thinking about me then I could take some time off from overthinking and just leave it in His hands. As Christians we are supposed to do that anyway - but it is literally always easier said than done. So - I chose that moment to lay my thoughts down in the sand with God’s thoughts and focus on relaxing and enjoying being in the moment. I turned back towards the ocean one more time, closed my eyes, felt the breeze on my face and focused on every surface the wind touched. I felt it blow through my eyelashes, the wisps of hair that grazed my face, the intense smell of the ocean filled me as I took deep relaxing breaths. Chill bumps popped up on my arms and legs as the waves crashed and the chilly water splashed up on me. My lips tasted the salt and my cheeks felt kissed by the sun. It was a good moment. It felt good to let go and let God guide me there… even if just for a moment.  

I’d love to tell you that my entire trip was filled with moments like this - it wasn’t. However, it was a good trip. It was a start and I’ll take it. Moving forward is always better than moving backwards. I’m learning to take it day by day, I’m focusing on not overthinking which is hilarious because I have to think about not overthinking… and I am practicing being in the moment. And I have to say - I have had some pretty incredible moments these last few weeks.

My encouragement to you is this - God loves you. He knows you are not perfect - that’s where the whole Jesus died for you comes into play. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are uniquely you. There is no one else on the planet like you. It’s okay to have bad days, it’s okay to overthink sometimes, it’s okay to fall down, it’s okay to cry and feel stressed and anxious. Just don’t stay there. Society has painted this crazy picture of what perfect looks like - but guess what - there is no such thing as perfect. Practice taking things day by day, minute by minute if you have to and take time out during those special moments of your life to be present - actually be in the moment. Don’t let it pass you by. If you are like me - you’ll have to practice it - but that’s okay too… be blessed my friends. Walk in love and live by faith. God will never let you down and He loves you more than any words can articulate.