Dating Chronicles: I Shaved My Legs for this?
Why are men so incapable of communicating their feelings? I'm sorry guys... I really am... but you are not the smarter sex when it comes to relationships. You just aren't. I read ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus', it proves my point... read it - you’ll see. And furthermore your communication level seems to stop somewhere around the 5th grade, you know where you’re chasing the girl you like around the playground but never have the courage to say “I like you”. Women if you are the mother of sons - teach them to communicate what they are thinking AND feeling. I've got 2 sons... I know the struggle is real (sigh) - but we have to try - I digress - Not trying to man bash… but the frustration is real. Ladies - I know you know exactly what I am talking about.
Let’s dive in… I was “talking” to this guy… let’s call him Ben. I’ve never dated a Ben… so this should be safe. So Ben and I had been talking for a couple of months. Side bar - the dating lango is exhausting… we have talking, dating, exclusive, friends, just friends, friends with benefits, committed, semi-committed, open but committed… smh - I’m still trying to figure it out. Anyway… I knew enough to know Ben and I were just talking. We had gone out on multiple dates and we always had a blast. He made me laugh out loud to the point my snort came out… yep, I’m a snorter… however we never even held hands… but we kept going out so I figured I wasn't friend zoned - but we were “talking”.
Now, I know this isn’t entirely Ben’s fault. It was too early for me to be dating… I knew it… deep down he probably knew it too but we really did have fun together so we kept hanging out. Well one day He invited me to go out on his jet ski with him. I love anything water related so this was a no brainer, I accepted his invite. I even shaved my legs! And I didn’t just shave up to my knees y’all - nope this chic shaved all the way up - everything - you know what I mean! Silky smooth and ret to go! The thought of sitting behind him on a jet ski, legs wrapped around him, holding his muscled arms while we cruised the river had me all kinds of excited. Don’t judge me… I’m a Christian… but I’m also human! The Spirit is alive but the flesh is weak... And hims had muscles on top of his muscles… Stop judging me - strong arms are nice - really nice.
We left the dock full speed ahead. He tried everything to throw me off… and he succeeded! He jumped wakes, fully submerged the nose of the jet ski, jerked us left to right and spun us up in the air - didn’t take long and I went flying. Thank the Lord I wore a one piece. I hit the water so hard my butt ate my swimsuit and I came up gasping for air because I swallowed half the river. He had fallen off too but was closer to the jet ski than me. He tried to pull it over to where I was and I applaud his attempt at chivalry but maybe we shouldn’t have come out the marina like we were running from the police. Just saying. After I finished coughing up the river I tried to climb back on the jet ski but the wind was still slightly knocked out of me and I slipped. I fell right back in the water as he proceeded to laugh like one of those hyenas from the Lion King. I thought - I shaved my legs for this.
Between my snort and his hyena laugh we were quite the pair. I thought to myself are we seriously going to spend the day falling off this thing? He took a beat and we just cruised for a little bit. I thought okay, here we go, nice tour of the river, steady pace, my butt finally let my swimsuit free and I stopped slipping and sliding around the back of the jet ski. I moved my death grip from around his waist to his arms. Things seemed to take a chill vibe. Then boom! Full throttle, hard right and we go flying again. This continued for an hour. I definitely got my work out. I swallowed more river water than I have my entire life combined. The whole time I’m thinking… is this normal? Is he trying to kill me or is this that playground thing… where if the boy teases you it’s because he likes you. Reminding myself that men don’t communicate feelings very well. Also, I’m an overthinker, so I will dissect every word and action until I’ve killed what could have been or blinded myself to something that was there. I have issues… I’m aware - I have a sister and a bestie that remind me daily! LOL
After a couple of hours we (meaning me) decided it was time for a break. We found a secluded cove, anchored our craft and laid on the beach. We talked about anything and everything… it was so easy. We moved from the beach to the water and he playfully splashed me (that playground teasing thing again) so I flirted back… I think it was flirting… ugh...I don’t know - then he swam up behind me, picked me up and dunked me! At this point I am convinced he wants to drown me. I played along… I came up laughing, splashed back, tried to dunk him but he wasn’t going anywhere. I gave up. I floated on my back for a few… soaked up the sun, eyes closed and tried not to die. After a few moments of silence I opened my eyes and there he was just staring at me. Oh no, I thought - do I have a booger… lol… is there something on my face… Why is he staring at me? I asked him… “Listen, if I have a booger hanging down my nose, something on my face… you gotta tell me… don’t let me be that girl”... he laughed so hard that he too snorted and assured me there wasn’t anything on my face. So I laid back in the water. Overthinking why he was just staring at me. Still thinking I had something up my nose. Secretly hoping that we were about to move out of the just “talking” phase. We didn’t. Still not sure what happened. I’d like to think I’m kissable. It was the perfect setting. I figured it was the snot on my face that I didn’t know about or he was just nervous. We jumped back on the jet ski… made our way back to the marina and that was it.
After months of going out, talking every single day and hours of water play - that was it. No kiss, no talk about where it was going, no nothing other than some laughs and an awkward moment of silence.
I got home that afternoon, took off my bathing suit and threw it in the trash. Seriously, I had slipped and slided so much that all of the elasticity in the bottom part was totally gone. It was one of my favorites too! I sat down on the toilet as the entire river came flooding out of my body, looked over at my pathetic bathing suit in the trash and thought… I shaved my legs for this…
We continued to talk for months… and I mean just talk. Looking back I know God saved me from something I was not ready for and I am extremely grateful. However, the lack of communication is really frustrating. I can’t put all men in this category… there have definitely been some over communicators - another blog - another day… but the biggest percentage is those that don’t communicate what they are thinking or feeling. Men, grow a pair! Communicate! If you just wanna be friends, say I just wanna be friends, if you wanna date… say I wanna date, if you are scared, unsure, feeling anything at all - for the love of Pete - text it, say it, write it down, pass a note… something. Don’t be rude and leave us hanging. I promise you, women want to know. Even if it’s going to hurt, we want to know. And if you don’t tell us then you are leaving us to our own imaginations and let me just tell you… women have quite the imagination. Why? Because we all have insecurities. Even the most confident women fight their flesh. I get up and look in the mirror every day and remind myself that I am God’s child. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and He has a good plan for my life. I remind myself that I am made in His image and that He looks at His creation and says, it is good. However, the flesh part rises up and tells me I’m not fit enough, my hair is starting to grey, my laugh lines are showing and I’m losing my youthful glow. I’m not where I want to be in my career and retirement isn’t that far away. I’m getting older and my bucket list is getting longer. Insecurities… we all have them.
Let me just tell you, if a woman shaves her legs for your date - she likes you! If she puts on makeup, smiles and laughs at your jokes -she likes you. You need to be man enough to tell her what’s on your mind. Communication is good. Lack of communication is bad. Simple.
To give you some closure…we kept talking, I got brave, told him how I felt then he ghosted me for a month… nothing - not a word. Then out of the blue he called me. He never brought up that we hadn’t talked for an entire month. I didn’t either. I had totally moved on by this point - it hurt - but I do know my worth and without a valid explanation like you were dying from COVID and couldn’t call, I’m not going to wait around. He is now in a committed relationship and seems very happy and I am genuinely happy for him. Like I said, it was way too early for me and it wasn’t meant to be… but a simple text that said, thanks for sharing your feelings, I don’t feel the same, let’s just stay friends would have sufficed nicely.
Coming to you next in the Dating Chronicles: More than a Pretty Face
Stay Tuned...
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