Let Your Faith Be Greater Than Your Fear Part 2

Today I faced another fear.  To those of you who have followed the last few posted blogs, I feel inclined to share why I have been facing so many fears lately. Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it (wink). A few weeks ago I watched a movie where the heroine had to face several fears throughout the course of the movie. She overcame them one by one and even though she suffered great loss during the course of her journey, she persevered and was portrayed as brave and victorious. After watching the movie I wanted to be brave. I was reminded that fear is not of God and I prayed for God to be greater in my life than my fears so that when I was faced with fear I would draw power from His spirit and I would be able to overcome anything. Not soon after, I read a quote that said, “Let your faith be greater than your fear”.  The testing began.

Side bar. I think sometimes when we pray for things, we don’t actually think about the process, just the end result. We think, okay I prayed for a million dollars so I will buy a lottery ticket and wake up rich. We don’t even consider that we may actually have to work and save for the million dollars. Or we pray for a new car and think God will just put one in the driveway over the night and we will wake up blessed. I mean we prayed for it right, so why would we have to save money, and then make a down payment and actually finance one, or heaven forbid actually wait until we have the whole amount and buy it outright. Or wait this is one of my favorites, we pray for the perfect mate, you know the list, kind hearted, polite, good looking, non-drinking, non-cussing, God loving, treat us right kind of person and then we hit the clubs on Friday night and meet “Beer Goggled Bobby” and wonder why he turns out to be such a loser. That one is for the single folk. Here ya go married peeps. We want our spouse to change, so we pray for God to change them but when God tells us we need to change too, that is just too much, so we hinder the whole process and no one changes and we stay miserable.  My point is when you pray for something you have to be willing to go through whatever process you have to go through in order to get the end result that you prayed for.  I want to add that I do believe in overnight miracles, but I believe that by trusting God we give Him control over the timing of every situation in our life. After all, He is God, and He knows best. Our job is to have faith and understand that His plan for us may not be “our” plan for us, but that His plan is better.

Isaiah 55:8-9New International Version (NIV)

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I prayed to overcome my fears, to be brave when faced with trials, and so then it happened; the testing began.  I faced heights and was victorious.  Now on to fear number two. Today, I took my oldest son Andrew, 13, to the airport where he would then fly solo to the beautiful state of Wisconsin. Andrew’s best friend moved away a few years ago and the loss has been great. His friend’s family had planned to visit this week, but due to extenuating circumstances they could not make the trip. The mother contacted me and asked if Tom and I would consider letting Andrew fly to Wisconsin where they live, and stay with them for the week. As soon as she asked, my heart dropped into my stomach. The thought of my baby, my first born, my oldest son, flying alone to a state that I have never even been to scared the daylights out of me. It was a new fear. It was a fear that I didn’t even know I had.  God knew. God knows everything. This wasn’t an easy decision to make. I knew the devastation Andrew would feel as soon as he found out his friend wasn’t coming here to visit. I also knew that he would be over the moon at the thought of getting to spend an entire week with his friend at his house, and the cherry on top would be flying…alone.  My husband and I discussed it and being the wonderful submissive wife that I am, I agreed, Andrew would fly. If you have read my previous blogs on fear, you already know that I am afraid of heights, which includes flying.  I have flown several times and I will fly again, but I don’t like it. Tom knows I don’t like it because the last time we flew together I almost had an anxiety attack while 60,000 feet in the air. So, Tom very carefully asked me not to transfer my fear of flying over to my son. I’m still trying to figure out how to do that, but since right now at this moment Andrew is in Wisconsin, I’m assuming there was no transfer made.  What were my fears? One, that my baby would need me, that he would get scared like I did 60,000 feet up in the sky and I would not be there to hold him and comfort him.  Two, the plane would crash. Three, he is growing up way to fast, and I had not accepted it yet.

I went as far as I could with Andrew.  He handed his boarding pass over to the agent working the boarding area. I squeezed him as tight as I could, told him I loved him, kissed him on the cheek and told him to call me as soon as he landed. He smiled, said I love you too, and walked away. I can hardly put it into words, but at that moment, I felt completely helpless. It literally felt like the umbilical cord had been cut all over again. I could not catch my breath; I ran to the restroom, closed myself in a stall and bawled for about five minutes. I came out, washed my face, and went to watch my baby fly away. I called my husband and gave him play by play about what was going on, “The plane is backing up, there is a man with a light directing it, okay now it is moving forward, okay it stopped, okay it is moving again”, and he just listened and told me to keep talking.  I pulled myself together and hung up the phone. As I stood there watching the plane maneuver it’s way to the runway, I prayed for God to give me a sign that he was going to be okay. Right at that moment, it was if a plane came out of nowhere and flew over Andrew’s plane and landed safely. God spoke to my heart, and the spirit said, that will be Andrew in just a little while. I felt peace in that moment, I realized, that out of my hands, but in God’s hands was the absolute safest place my son could be. I did not need to be afraid. I could pray and I would pray, but God was in control. I watched the plane till I could not see it anymore and then I made my way back to our van. I had one final sob fest, and this time I really let it go. You know the snot flying, loud heaving, eyes swollen, and headache kind of cry. Then I said okay God I’m done, he’s in your hands and I trust you.  The flight was supposed to be one hour and 55 minutes long, but it landed 45 minutes early. When I answered the phone and heard “Hey Mama” I cried all over again. We exchanged I love you’s and I told him to call his friend’s mom and let her know the flight was early.  I hung up the phone, and thanked the Lord for keeping Andrew safe and at ease. I realized at that moment, I had faced another fear and I had come through it.

It has not been easy exercising my faith. But it has been worth it. I am sure there are several more challenges ahead, but I know I will not be alone.  I am certain that God is starting off easy with me even though it feels hard. I also know that He will be with me every step of the way. I do not regret praying to conquer my fears. I am embracing the challenges step by step. I feel stronger, closer to the Lord and encouraged. However a reprieve in between would be much appreciated! I think I will also pray to just skip over testing my fear of snakes.

Deuteronomy 31:6 New International Version 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

I do not know what tomorrow holds, or what the Lord has planned for me. But what I do know is that the Lord holds tomorrow in His hands and whatever it is that He does have planned for me, is for my benefit. I do not have to be afraid, as long as my faith is greater than my fear.