I Thought It Was OCD

I read another bloggers blog today and ouch! It was about being a perfectionist. I always thought that I struggled with OCD because I like things to be a certain way.  Even though 90% of the time if you come to my house for a surprise visit you will find laundry unfolded on the dining room table, my kids shoes all over the floor, the stairs cluttered with things that need to be taken up, but get passed by 100 times a day, and dishes in the sink from the previous days culinary activities. I still like things a certain way. My canisters have to be in order from largest to smallest starting from left to right. The pillows on my bed have to be placed ever so carefully to make the bed look perfectly made, when it gets made. When I clean, I deep clean. That is probably why I don’t do it every week, it is to exhausting.  But something this blogger said struck me deep down in the pit of my stomach. I got that achy convicted feeling. She said she had become aware that other people’s perceptions of her had become more important to her than God’s perception of her. Wow! That was so me! If I know company is coming over, I rush frantically to clean the house. You know throwing toys in drawers, putting all the laundry in the laundry room piled to the ceiling, loading the dishwasher and spraying Lysol in every room. And when I know I am having a huge get together or cookout I take on some crazy home décor project that I know is going to overwhelm me, but I have to do it anyway. Just to make the house look a little more perfect. I really care about what they thought of my home, me. Secretly I still do. I am trying to make a conscious effort to not care so much what others think of me. I teach my teens in bible study every week, it isn’t what is on the outside, but truly what is on the inside. There aren’t anyone’s thoughts in the world that I should put before God’s. The bible says in Galatians 1:10 (NIV) “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” I was aware that I had been a people pleaser for years and I thought I had broken that bondage. I didn’t realize that being a perfectionist was part of that people pleasing spirit still trying to hold on to me. I really was completely shocked at myself when reading this article.  I used to say yes to everyone for everything. I didn’t want to let people down. I didn’t like the thought of people not liking me, or not approving of me, so if I did everything that was asked of me; people would then have to like me. That was so exhausting. I didn’t make more friends either, it just made me angry and left feeling unappreciated. I learned to say no, but I didn’t realize that I still do it, just not in the same way. I try to be perfect in everything I do so I am still putting off the same vibe; that I am awesome. Now, let’s be real, I am awesome, but only because I am a child of the Most High God! All that I am, or that I have achieved is due solely to Him. 1 Corinthians 10:31(NIV)^“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” If what I am doing is not bringing Glory to God but only to myself, than I am doing something wrong. It is okay I think to want to do things perfectly, and to strive for excellence, but only if we understand it isn’t us who makes it possible, it is God in heaven who makes it possible. Colossians 1:16(NIV) “For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.”  None of us are perfect. And if we appear to be, it is just that an appearance.  Perfection was on the cross at Calvary.  So if you come over today for a cup of coffee, I will gather up the magazines and mail covering my kitchen table, rinse out the coffee pot and brew us a pot of that heavenly liquid. We can chat, laugh and drink coffee and I will not try to pretend that I have it all together because I don’t, but I do know the One who does.