Thoughts after Robin Williams Suicide
I don’t know if I would call myself one of the lucky ones
or if I would say I am one of the blessed ones. I really don’t believe in
“luck” so to speak, but I always ask the Lord why did I make it through, why
did I beat the disease, how come I don’t have to take medication. When I take a hard look into my past and the
depression that use to haunt me, I remember feeling like I wanted to take my
life. I couldn’t imagine living another
second and forget another day. I felt like no one understood me, no one cared
about me and that everyone in my life would truly be better off if I was gone. I couldn’t see their pain beyond my own. That is one thing depression does. It puts
you in a box with just your thoughts and there you sit feeling like there is no
way out. You feel like you are suffocating under the pressure of your own
existence, because you are taking up unwanted space. I am sure there are different degrees of
depression just like there are different degrees on a thermometer. Some people
can stand the cold weather really well while others thrive in the heat. What
degree of depression can your mind handle? Can you push through feeling a
little sad every now and then? Can you still make yourself get up and go to
work every day? Can you still see love around you and know it is real even
though you don’t “feel” it? Or do you
lie in bed all day every day completely out of touch with reality and are just
waiting for the “right” time to end it all? I am a survivor. I say that because
I am here to tell my story and share my testimony with anyone that wants to be
an overcomer too. I beat depression through the love of God and the people that
He used to show and teach me that love. I tried counselors, doctors and
medications, but it wasn’t until I met with a pastor of a little church that
truly had a heart to love people that I was saved. I don’t mean saved like born
again Christ filled, that came and was a necessary step, but I mean saved from
my depression. He showed me scripture
that spoke to my heart and changed me. For the first time I didn’t feel alone,
I read what Jesus went through before and on the cross. I couldn’t fathom the beatings and the death,
but it was real, even religions that don’t believe Christ was the Messiah has
this story in their history books, because it happened and it is real.
I believe we all
have a God shaped hole inside of us and until we fill that hole with God we
will never feel totally complete. I
believe people try to fill it with drugs, alcohol, sex, humor, material things,
money or anything else that gives a quick sense of completeness. I grieve for the loss of Robin Williams, a
very talented individual. I didn’t have to know him personally to appreciate
his craft on screen. I laughed at many of his movies and voice overs and
sometimes I laughed so hard my sides hurt. I will not try to judge why he did
what he did, but I will pray for the family he left behind. I grieve because he
was not able to overcome his disease and live out the rest of his years
victoriously the way God would have us to. I will also try harder to let others know that
even though I may not understand what they are going through and that no other
person may understand what they are going through, that there is a God who
understands. My advice is that if you
know someone who is depressed don’t assume they are selfish, the disease is
selfish but not the person, don’t assume they are an addict of some kind and
that is why they are depressed, usually depression comes first and most
importantly love them unconditionally.
John 13:34-35New
International Version (NIV)“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will
know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
I know it can be hard
to love or to feel loved. If you would like to hear more about the action word
“Love”, I recommend listening to this podcast.
If you want to hear how victory can still come even while you are in the darkness I recommend listening to this one.
Prayers for you to
have the victorious life you were meant to have.
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