Don't Give Up

Where did the idea of a perfect mom come from? I mean seriously, where did this imaginary woman that lives in my brain come from? You know the one I am talking about, right? The one with five kids, but still has the perfect body. The mom you see in the store wearing her gym clothes and buying a cart full of stuff with her coupon binder in hand, because she is an extreme couponer. Then you run into her later at the craft store buying all of the odds and ends she will use to hand make her Christmas decorations while you stand there trying to figure out whether to buy a glue stick or a hot glue gun - and by the way - who came up with the word glue gun?  While she is there she will also pick up the materials she needs to sew her daughters elaborate angel costume for the church Christmas play. Did I mention she is CEO of her company and puts in 50 plus hours a week at her job? She always has her hair and nails done and she dresses like a runway model when she is not in her gym clothes....

This morning started off like most of my mornings do. I got up and fixed my coffee, read my devotions, and got my boys up for school.  I usually wait until my boys are almost out of the door before I wake up my daughter. She is seven and she sleeps like she is seventeen. I went upstairs to wake her up but when I did she rolled over and told me she was sick. She said, “Mommy, I can’t go to school today, my throat hurts, my wrist hurts, my tummy hurts, my legs hurt and my feet hurt”.  I did not know how to respond.  She looked like a hot mess. Don’t we all when we first wake up.  Our faces are puffy and we usually have crusty particles in our eyes or even stuck to our cheeks and nose. Maggie had all the above along with Medusa’s hair and red creases where she had lay for too long on one side. This child is a wild sleeper. She kicks, she turns and she sweats.  She looked like she had a restless night; she always looks that way but today I wanted to keep her home w...

The last few weeks have been challenging. My husband got sick with Strep Throat and he was your typical sick male for a few days.  Right after he started to feel better my daughter started with symptoms of Strep and after two trips to the doctor it was confirmed she too had caught the nasty sicky bugs. Then as soon as she started to feel better my husband got sick again. My boys who are the vicious little carriers of Strep also have immune systems more battle proof then Super Man and are thankfully healthy.  I am caught in limbo. As a mother and a wife I am not allowed to get sick. I am allowed to not feel well, as long as I can still work and clean house and cook and do laundry and wash dishes and pack lunches and run errands and everything else I do on a daily basis. I have been plotting and I think I am going to make up some really awful sounding virus that there is no cure for but staying in bed for a few days in a dark quiet room where I cannot be in contact with any oth...

Today is my Maggie's birthday. Seven years ago today God fulfilled all of the desires of my heart; and along with her my heart is growing.  As a young woman and even as a child I always dreamed of having two sons and one daughter. I remember wishing for it as a teenager and then praying for it as a married woman.  I have loved kids my entire life. I have dreamed of being a mother as far back as I can remember; playing baby dolls in my room and kissing my imaginary husband goodbye as he left for work. I started baby sitting as soon as I was allowed to and I have been surrounded by kids ever since. I babysat until I could legally get a job and then I babysat on the side. While in college I got a job at a daycare center and then babysat for some of the parents that brought their children to the daycare. I left the daycare while I was engaged and six months after I got married my husband and I started our family. We were married one year and three months before our first son was b...

I love to watch the relationship between my husband and my daughter and how it unfolds each and every day in ways that are unique from any other relationship either of them have with anyone else. It is a special and beautiful bond.  I stand back in awe and watch the two of them talk to one another in their own love language. I love to watch how her eyes shine when he walks into the room. She demands his full attention and wants to make sure his eyes are always on her. When he thinks he is sneaking a kiss from me, she is quick to pop up from what seems out of nowhere and asks “where is my kiss daddy”.  She claims she is going to marry her daddy when she grows up. I love the innocent and pure love she has for him. This morning she woke up still exhausted from last night’s escapade.  We received a phone call at six o’clock last night asking if she would like to go see Disney’s Frozen on Ice. Her friend had an extra ticket and wanted to take Maggie along.  We decide...

Is it nature verses nurture?  I have no idea what it is but it is growing at an unparalleled speed in my children’s bathroom. It is green, furry and may have some sort of alien gene mixed in with it, because it may also have eyes. I did not want to get too close.  All of the children’s bedrooms and bathroom are upstairs. My bedroom and bathroom are downstairs. I rarely go upstairs. I go up in the morning to wake them up for school, and then again at night to tuck them in. I peek in their rooms to make sure they are tidy and that they have put their laundry away, but I only go in the bathroom about once a month to do a deep clean. They handle the cleaning the rest of the time. I feel this is fair, considering there is three of them.  I provide all of the supplies and then some to make sure they don’t have any excuses as to why they can’t do a decent job. Well guess what, that is all about to change! I will be checking it daily after what I discovered this morning. ...

So we have all heard the old saying, the dog ate my homework, right. Well, have you ever heard the one, the dog peed on my homework? That’s correct. The never failing drama that unfolds in the Samuel house on a daily basis, struck a little early this morning, or maybe it was late last night, and we just didn’t discover it until this morning. My oldest son went to retrieve his enormous binder that set us back about one hundred dollars, filled with his even day class assignments from the playroom, study room, junk room, whatever it is, this morning.  There it was, lying in a puddle of pee in the middle of the floor.  Now, I have seen a 13 year old mad before, but this morning wins the prize. He was angered to silence. A teenager silent; you know something is wrong.  He was so angry he couldn’t speak. His face was red, his mouth open wide with the only word he could say, “really”. He kept saying “really?” over and over again. Sometimes it would be followed by the assumed cu...

Why am I so emotional? I wear my feelings on my sleeve, no doubt about it. You never have to guess what I am thinking or feeling, because it is right out there in the open. I knew this day was coming. It has been coming for us every September, every year for the last nine years. I knew it was coming when we went back to school shopping and I sat there patiently while my teen and tween tried on more clothes than I have in my closet. I knew it was coming when we walked in the shoe store and the smell of fresh rubber mixed with sweaty feet filled my nose.   I knew it was coming when the shopping cart overflowed with pens and pencils and what seemed to be enough school supplies for the entire school.  I knew it was coming, but I was not prepared. Last night when I tucked my three heart strings into bed, said their prayers and kissed them good night, I knew what the morning would bring. I knew summer was finally over and our long days together were over too. I thought I wo...

Today I faced another fear.  To those of you who have followed the last few posted blogs, I feel inclined to share why I have been facing so many fears lately. Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it (wink). A few weeks ago I watched a movie where the heroine had to face several fears throughout the course of the movie. She overcame them one by one and even though she suffered great loss during the course of her journey, she persevered and was portrayed as brave and victorious. After watching the movie I wanted to be brave. I was reminded that fear is not of God and I prayed for God to be greater in my life than my fears so that when I was faced with fear I would draw power from His spirit and I would be able to overcome anything. Not soon after, I read a quote that said, “Let your faith be greater than your fear”.  The testing began. Side bar. I think sometimes when we pray for things, we don’t actually think about the process, just the end result. We think...

I think we can all agree...that everyone is afraid of something. I am afraid of heights! I have shared this before and I am sharing it again because it really bothers me that I have this fear. I have done many things to try to overcome it and through the process of trying I am learning that step by step even though my physical reactions to heights haven't changed much - the fear of them no longer control me. Every time I am faced with a new challenge that involves heights, I have the same reaction. It is like I have an internal height-o-meter. Once I have reached the limit of the height meter the symptoms of fear take over. I get sweaty palms, my breathing increases to quick rapid breaths, my heart beats faster and feels like it will pound out of my chest, I feel light headed and sometimes my stomach turns so intensely it sends me to the bathroom.   When I was younger I would submit to my fear and back down from whatever challenge faced me. As I grew up and grew in my knowledg...

My favorite scripture is Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ whom strengthens me”. I have even joked with my pastor about finding a new favorite verse because it seems like this last year has been filled with trial after test after valley; with only little glimpses of the mountain tops in between. I feel like as soon as I overcome an obstacle in my life I am quickly faced with a new one. I believe what the Lord allows to happen in our lives, he lets happen to make us stronger and to help us build closer more intimate relationships with him. I also believe he won’t allow more to happen to us than we can handle because he knows how strong we are even if we don’t feel it at the time of testing. I also believe we can bring problems and obstacles on ourselves. Yesterday I came to a crossroad. I stood at the bottom of the biggest mountain I have ever seen. A literal mountain, not a “life’s trial mountain”, but an enormous mound of rock and trees that looked like it coul...