My Dog Peed On My Homework

So we have all heard the old saying, the dog ate my homework, right. Well, have you ever heard the one, the dog peed on my homework? That’s correct. The never failing drama that unfolds in the Samuel house on a daily basis, struck a little early this morning, or maybe it was late last night, and we just didn’t discover it until this morning. My oldest son went to retrieve his enormous binder that set us back about one hundred dollars, filled with his even day class assignments from the playroom, study room, junk room, whatever it is, this morning.  There it was, lying in a puddle of pee in the middle of the floor.  Now, I have seen a 13 year old mad before, but this morning wins the prize. He was angered to silence. A teenager silent; you know something is wrong.  He was so angry he couldn’t speak. His face was red, his mouth open wide with the only word he could say, “really”. He kept saying “really?” over and over again. Sometimes it would be followed by the assumed culprits

name, “really Francisco, really?” Francisco is our three year old puggle. I really believe he is the least intelligent of his species. He doesn’t know his tail from his paw, but he is so flipping adorable to look at that we keep him around. Francisco also has the bladder of a pregnant woman. No it isn’t a urinary tract infection PETA, he just pees a lot.   He has been neutered too. I just wanted to throw that out there. So being the amazing, comforting mother that I am, I asked him, “Was it in your locker?”  I bought a set of lockers to put in the hangout room, to help de-clutter the entry way from the garage to our kitchen. This seemed to be a viable option from walking in the door and dropping every single item in the middle of the floor; backpacks, binders, lunch boxes, shoes and sometimes more.  He looked at me with that look, you know that look that teenagers give when they know you are right, but will not admit it, even if they are hanging by their toes, over the Golden Gate Bridge, while being beaten and threatened to have to listen to Justin Bieber over and over again. I tried to hide my smirk. It feels so good to be right, and to know that he knows that I am right feels even better.  It is similar to the face my husband gives me when he knows that I am right. It doesn’t happen as often with him, because really in some alternate universe my husband is a Chemist Philadelphia Lawyer, explaining that it isn’t pee, but water, mixed with organic solutes including urea, creatinine, uric acid, and trace amounts of enzymes, carbohydrates, hormones, fatty acids, pigments, and mucins, and inorganic ions such as sodium, potassium, chloride, magnesium, calcium, ammonium, sulfates, and phosphates. I know I lost you at organic solutes. So, what did my husband’s mini me say, “No mom, the daycare kids put it on the floor”. Yep, that’s him just throw that blame right out the window and throw anyone that is a viable target right under the bus. Now, technically he didn’t lie, but he didn’t answer my question either. I asked again, “Did you put it in your locker?” He said, “I just told you”. I said, “No, you told me how it got on the floor, but you didn’t answer my question.” We went round and round for a few minutes with the same dialogue. I knew I was right, and he knew I was right, but the banter that was going on back and forth was really helping to solidify how right I was. Finally, I knew it had to end. He is not as good at this as my husband is, so I said my final victorious comment that would win the case, “If you had put it in your locker, then it would not have been left on the table for the daycare kids to put it on the floor, case closed”. He nodded in defeat. I am a good mom. Really I am. I love my kids, and I would do anything for them. I know the bible says not to provoke your children to anger, so my point in this entire process was not to get him angrier than he already was, but for him to really see the error of his ways. I did the right thing and washed his binder, I rinsed off all of his urine soaked papers, and then he dried them with a hair dryer. It was done in 10 minutes. I made pancakes and sent him off to school, unharmed and with the knowledge that mom is always right, I mean, I should pick up after myself and put my things where they belong so they don’t get peed on anymore. I seriously doubt he learned either one after all he is a teenager and already knows it all.  However, I will have this morning to think on and smile about all day. I was right, I knew it and he knew it.

Ephesians 6:4

 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.