Just Breathe - It'll Be Okay

One of the cool things about my day job is that I get to meet new people every day. I love people and I love good conversation. Without fail, the majority of these conversations end up with my guests sharing their life story with me.  And you know what? They all have something in common. They are all fighting an internal battle that no one knows anything about, unless they choose to share it.

I feel like it's safe to assume that you too, my dear reader, are also fighting something... if not right at this moment, perhaps not too long ago... or like most of us, you know a battle is on it's way. You are not alone.

For years I fought the internal fight of not feeling good enough and just when I thought I was starting to really find myself and my confidence, my husband of 20 years up and walked out. There I sat, a 20 year identity stolen in a 5 minute conversation. I was left feeling worthless, abandoned and not good enough... all over again. 

Daily conversations with my guests at work remind me I am not alone. They share their stories of struggles from divorce, job loss, death of loved ones and so much more. The feeling of being overwhelmed and not good enough seem to be a common theme these days. 

Life is hard enough on it's own but when you mix in tragedies it's easy for us to fall into the trap of wanting to give up.  I know as a Christian, my worth comes from God, I am more precious to Him than I can fathom and I am loved beyond any love I will experience on this earth. However, no matter how Spirit filled we are, we still walk around in a flesh suit and sometimes... these days it seems a lot of the time... that flesh suit rises up and tries to convince us we simply aren't good enough.  

So, shortly after my separation, I decided I was no longer going to push these feelings down but I was going to embrace them. We've heard it many times before... you don't know joy without knowing sadness, you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone, you don't know peace without experiencing chaos - you get the point. With these age old phrases floating around in my head, I decided I would allow myself to feel the not good enough, I just wouldn't set up camp there. If I needed to cry, I would cry - scream then scream - laugh then laugh and the list goes on. But there are days where there just isn't enough energy to do any of it and on those days and every day in between I go to the One who has an unending supply of everything that I need.

For the the last 25 plus years my strength has come from God's Word. Scripture has a way of speaking life into the deadest of situations - But what do we do when we are too tired to pick up our bible and seek out the strength that we need. Since my divorce I have definitely had more days of not wanting to pick up my bible than days that I've wanted to pick up my bible. I know... I know... it came as a shock to me too - nevertheless - this is the raw truth of one of the effects of being abandoned. However, God promises to never leave us - and you know what - He doesn't lie. So when my energy level is too low to even pick up my bible - this is what I do.

I say the Name Jesus. 

As a previous Associate Pastor, I preached and even wrote a book about the importance of reading God's Word daily. The peace and strength I received from it then and now are supernatural. However, this new season of life has at times left me so exhausted, mentally and physically, the thought of picking up my bible is overwhelming. Why? I wish I knew... but it is. It is in these fragile moments that I simply say the Name of Jesus. I find myself laying in bed, taking a long hot bath, driving in my car and just saying His Name over and over again. And you know what? He's there.

Philippians 2:9-11 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

His Name brings me peace. He knows me better than I know myself. He created me. He sees my soul, my heart, my Spirit and He loves me. I don't have to pray out loud, I don't have to confess to a priest, I don't have to tell anyone - He knows - He is there. He knows the desires of my heart and He knows yours too. 

So in the moments when I feel weak, unworthy, messy, overwhelmed and exhausted - I trust He is with me. I whisper His Name and He comforts me. 

I suffered from suicidal depression years ago and He delivered me. I am beyond grateful that He saved my life and to this day I take with me the knowledge that calling it quits for real isn't an option. Sure there are days I think, "Will this roller coaster ever end?" Then he reminds me... I am here on purpose for a purpose that only I can fulfill. 

So are you! You are not alone in your weakness, your sadness, your emotional roller coaster. You aren't the only one that feels lonely, unworthy and ready to quit. Even though you may think so... you aren't. I meet you daily. There is another that wants to meet you daily. His Name is Jesus.

I felt so strong in my heart to share this. When you are too weak, too tired, too overwhelmed with all that this life can be - call on the Name of Jesus. He will meet you where you are... He will love you just as you are... and He will never leave you.

I've heard all the stories from the inside and outside of the church about the judgement, the fakeness.. the blah... blah... blahs of the Christian community. Hear me - we are not all like that - there are truly some good Christians out there that truly want to see you living your best life. They love deep, they love true and they sincerely pray for you. And this isn't about them - it's about you - seeking a personal relationship with the One that created you. It doesn't matter where you've been, how unworthy you feel or how low you think you've sunk - You are never beyond the love of God. 

Don't give up.  Keep getting out of bed every day. Be kind. A beautiful heart is worth more than all the gold in the world. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Take a deep breath... you and God - Yeah - You got this!