Dating Chronicles: Guard Your Heart

I never ever thought I'd be writing a post like this! I've been blogging for 8 years and just like most everyone's life... mine has changed drastically during this time. Some good - some bad.

Some of you may have had some amazing moments over the last 8 years; maybe your kids graduated high school, college, had babies - maybe you bought your dream home, got the job you've been working hard to get... or maybe on the flip side you've experienced great loss, grief, tragedy and would give anything to go back and do it all over again. Or maybe, like most of us, you've had a mix of these things - extreme highs and extreme lows.

Eight years ago I started blogging because I felt deep down in my soul God was telling me to find a new platform to encourage others. I love people. I love making them laugh, feel loved and I love to encourage others to strive every day to be the best they can be. Blogging has been an amazing platform in accomplishing this. It has not only helped me to help others but it's helped me too. As I've gone through struggles of my own I've found blogging about it has been therapeutic.  

Over the last 8 years my family has gone through what a lot of yours have probably gone through... kids growing up, going to college, moving, the passing of dear loved ones, surviving COVID - and my biggest hurdle - divorce. 

It's crazy that how out of all the things God could use me for - he's put singleness at the top of the list. I've had so many people (men and women) reach out to me for single life advice that my bestie and I started a social media page "BigTalk Besties" where we share our crazy journey of dating again after divorce. If you think God doesn't have a sense of humor... a slightly ironic, twisted, off color sense of humor - check out our site. Seriously - our faith is strong - but trying to find the funny after divorce and especially while trying to date again - Lord (literally Lord) help us!

This brings me to today's title... and my first sentence - I seriously never thought I'd be here. I thought I had found my soul mate, my forever person, my life long best friend. To say I was devastated when my husband left is an understatement. Crushed, mortified, hopeless... none of these words seem heart wrenching enough to clearly articulate what I felt when my husband walked out on me after 20 dedicated years of marriage.  However... years later I see the scripture come to life that says:

Isaiah 61:3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. It may take a lifetime to figure out that reason but I believe if we look for the good, the reason and the purpose... in God's time, we will see it.

I can't say that I have seen the full purpose of my divorce yet, but I can say my heart is healing. The tricky part has been - allowing God to heal my heart - then letting someone back into it. How do we open ourselves back up to being loved and to loving someone after we've been hurt so deeply? It's a simple answer. The hard part is actually doing it. We need to guard our hearts. The bible says in Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

I won't say when but I will say along this new journey, I met someone. I was scared. I didn't want to feel what I felt. I didn't want to be attracted to them, to like them, to want to spend time with them. However, I found my thoughts consumed with them. Their voice, their smell, their smile, their sense of humor, their love for God and their openness about their own struggles. I kept this season of dating quiet. I didn't want to mess it up. I have a loud social media presence but like everyone, some things I want to keep private. I didn't want the outside voices of others to pollute what was beginning. I thought I was doing everything right. What I forgot to do... was guard my heart. As a result, I missed multiple red flags. 

I got sucked in. I lost my focus. Thankfully the relationship ended before the scars were too deep. I know this isn't my typical "Dating Chronicles" funny post; however, I felt lead to share this because so many people have reached out asking, "How do I navigate singleness?" Seriously, Renee (my bestie) and I spend hours talking to each other about the broken people God has sent our way. Then we spend more hours trying to figure out how we can help them. I'll be honest - we don't have a clue. I can't walk my dog without getting yanked all over the place so I sure as heck am not one to come to for guidance in the dating world. I can however, point you to the One that has your best interest at heart - God.

I've tried incredibly hard to keep my focus on God throughout this entire process... but I'm not gonna lie... it's been harder than I thought. I know God is supposed to be our source for everything and I believe He is... however - I'm not as patient as I was before the divorce. So advice tip #1:

Be patient -  For the love of all things holy, love of yourself, love of your friends, your family... your sanity - be patient! More heartache will come if you speed passed the road blocks, the lessons, the healing... #facts! I know sitting at home alone can suck. Going to dinner alone can suck. Finding distractions has been my specialty these past 2 years. Don't do it. Yes... I have some funny stories to share... but honestly... dating is exhausting. 

Advice tip #2 and the most important:

Guard your heart - because literally everything that flows out of your being comes from your heart. God has promised to protect you, guide you, love you, lead you, take care of you, provide for you... so your romantic life is just as important to Him as it is to you (more so). I have not been looking to date, I haven't been on any apps or sought out anyone... they just come... lol - then a dinner or 2 or 10 ensues and then it's over. Why? Because I have failed to do the one thing I know to do. Guard my heart. 

These are really just surface answers to help you while you navigate... but the true meaning of guarding your heart is to become so consumed by God's love for you that when He does send the right person along you will know. You will know because you will be so enraptured by the way God loves you that you won't accept anything less from anyone else. This is a process, a journey, a courtship in a sense between you and the Lord. You can't rush it - but I believe it is worth the wait. 

In the meantime remember a couple of things: Don't make excuses for anyone. If they wanted to talk to you, see you and take you out then you will be a priority and they will make room in their schedule for you. Nope - ugh uh - stop - I hear you now... but they were busy, they had their kids, they had to work... Staaaaaahp! They will make you a priority! End of discussion. Next, which should actually be first - Ask God. A simple, God should I spend time with this person, will suffice. He'll tell ya... you may not like the answer - but he'll tell ya! Set your boundaries and stick to them. This shows you respect yourself and if you respect yourself then the right person will respect you and your boundaries. 

Stop seeking unhealthy distractions... they only hurt you and prolong your arrival to your best self. Instead, focus on staying spiritually, mentally and physically healthy. Focus on your family, your career and checking off your bucket list. Self care is crucial because if we don't take care of ourselves then we won't be around to take care of those we love.

Thank you for being on this journey with me. Again... I never thought I'd be here - but here I am - I can choose to make the best of it or let it get the best of me. I choose to make the best of it and I encourage you to do the same. 

Be blessed my amazing readers! God loves you and I do too!