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Would I Change It?

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It's been 4 years and 11 months since my now ex-husband walked out on our 20 year marriage. If you have followed this blog since before that then you know how unexpected it was. If you started following this blog during my Dating Chronicles Series you may be thinking, girl - get over it, it was almost 5 years ago. Here is the thing... I have moved on and at the same time the ripples in the pond are still rippling. I am engaged, I am writing new chapters to my story and I am finding my way back to the straight and narrow path I abandoned when my world fell apart 5 years ago. I have been on quite the detour these last several years. It feels like every time I overcome some post divorce battle another one appears out of nowhere. Healing is a process and I believe how quickly we heal strongly comes from decisions we make during the process. There are days that life feels really unfair. There were decisions made for me that I was too weak and depressed to fight.  Then there were decisio...
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Dating Chronicles: What Do You Bring to the Table?

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After being married for 20 years, getting divorced, entering in and out of the dating world for the last 4 years and meeting so many different people along this journey... I have to confess - My curiosity has gotten the better of me. I've heard this question over and over again and I just need to know! Is - "What do you bring to the table?"  currently a first date, second date or third date conversation? Like do you really interview your potential match with this question?  I was young when I got married and we both brought the same thing to the table. Nothing. Unless you count similar upbringings, equal morals and values. Financially we had nothing. No real estate, no stocks, no 401K... Nothing! However I am well aware that dating now versus 25 years ago is completely different. I am constantly being reminded by those around me of my ancient way of thinking. So - in order to further educate myself and bring my caveman thoughts up to the 21st century, I decided to bring ...
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Lessons Learned: Do What You Love - Just Don't Do This

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I love writing. I love sharing my thoughts and my beliefs with others. I love the idea that my pain isn't being wasted... that all of the things I've gone through can some how be used for the glory of God. That my experiences will help encourage someone else along their journey. I love public speaking. It is exhilarating for me to stand before a crowd and verbally share all of the messes God has gotten me out of throughout my walk with Him - And to equally share the blessings that have come simply from giving my life to Him.  He's saved me from death, He's saved me from other's attempts at sabotage, He's saved me from dangerous situations and so much more.  I was suicidal and He kept me alive. I was poor and He fed me. I was rich and He humbled me. I was scared and He gave me peace. I was lonely and He comforted me. I was unhealthy and He healed me. When I say I love sharing the goodness of God.... I mean I LOVE it! If you have followed this blog for any amount ...
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Lessons Learned: You Can't Change Anyone Except Yourself

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Are you an eternal optimist? I am. So much so... I've been told that it's annoying... I can't help it though - I'm a hopeless romantic, glass always full, you can do it, don't give up kind of woman.  This blessed personality is a curse as much as it is a gift. The blessing is obvious. I see the good in people. I see the diamond in the rough. I see what can be instead of what is. I wear rose colored glasses and rarely take them off. God loves us and all things work together for our good according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) This is my motto and how I do life. The curse. You can't change others and make them put on the rose colored glasses. You can't help those that don't want to help themselves. You can't make others see the good in themselves that you see in them and you certainly can't convince them that their behavior is destructive and harmful to themselves and others.  This has been one of the hardest things for me to learn. As someone that...
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Coming Out of the Dark

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Inhale... exhale.... inhale.... exhale - This is the current theme of my life. I'm taking it d ay by day and breath by breath. It's been long enough since my divorce, that I probably shouldn't reference it anymore... however there is not a set time on trauma recovery. I have healed (mostly), my ex and I are in a good place, my kids are doing amazing and I'm moving forward with my life. The most difficult thing that I face now - is myself. When I look in the mirror, I see the demons that I've allowed to speak to me for the last almost 4 years, and they are ugly. They say ugly things, try to get me to do ugly things - and - full transparency, some days they win. Throughout this long unexpected journey, I'd like to say, I did not lose my faith but I did take a path that went completely opposite of the one God had laid out so perfectly for me. As my story continues I am finding that the winding roads of what has felt like a never ending detour are leading me back t...
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How Loud Can I Scream

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Have you ever felt so frustrated with life that you just want to scream as loud as you can to the top of your lungs and then punch something as hard as you can - Yes, you have - because you are human. If you are currently there, then let's make a club. You know one of those funny named clubs we used to make in middle school that only a few people knew about. My 8th grade friends group made one and named it Family. We labeled everyone in the group as mom, dad, brother, sister, aunt, uncle and so on. It was ridiculous... but really we just wanted to make our crush the "dad" and us the "mom". If the boy didn't mind being the dad to the mom then we knew his crush was mutual. How silly! I'm giggling to myself now while thinking about how immature teens are and how communication hasn't changed much over the years. Instead of simply saying, "I like you", we try to do little things or drop little hints to figure out where we stand in our relationsh...
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My Bleeding Heart

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Don't you hate it when someone posts something on social media that only gives you half of the story? They share a poem or a meme that you know is meant for someone to see and hopefully get the point they are trying to make without having to say it to them directly... only to leave the rest of us completely clueless as to what the heck is going on in their life. I apologize in advance... this blog is like those posts. Greetings my precious readers. Forgive my hiatus. I know I haven’t blogged in a while… and truth be known - I have a lot to blog about. Unfortunately, I’m torn between the rock and the hard place once again. I want to share what I want to share… but because I know my sharing will potentially hurt others - I cannot. It’s been a battle between this blog and myself ever since I opened my laptop in 2016. I’ve been told that my lack of sharing has made me come across shallow at times, stuck up and snobby. I guess that is the price I have to pay for protecting others. Findi...
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