Don't Give Up

If you are a female and have entered the glorious season of life known as perimenopause then you will be able to relate to everything you are about to read - and I want you to know, you are not alone. If you are a survivor of this horrific physical war against yourself, I salute you - You are my idol… if you are not female nor of that special age yet then you may want to hit the X and not read any further.  It started 17 years ago… oh you laugh… but my beautiful daughter was born 17 years ago, the last of the 3 children I gave birth to, and truth be known, I haven’t slept a solid 8 hours since. I haven’t slept an entire night through in 17 YEARS!  This was just the beginning. Shortly after she was born I started with nights sweats. And when I say night sweats, I don’t mean a little clammy forehead… I mean saturated sheets, puddles of liquid collecting between my boobs and getting up to go outside to stand in the snow, naked, in the middle of the night kind of night sweats! The...

Have you ever dreamed of what perfect love looks like? I'm sure at one point in your life, whether as a child watching your parents, or as a teen watching a movie and all of those steamy make-out scenes (maybe more)... or as an adult waiting for your person to come along and sweep you off your feet and fill that void that we all seem to have at some point.  Regardless of how you imagined it... I'm sure you have spent some time pondering over love in your life. I know that I have... and honestly - It has never ended up like my dreams. As a child, I had a very colorful imagination. I had a make believe friend and her name was Tina. She had dark brown hair that hit the top of her shoulders, she wore a blue shirt and jean shorts and was always the same size as me. I sincerely believed she was real and she was my best friend. I'm grateful my parents never tried to stifle my imagination. It has served me well throughout my life... well mostly...lol  As I entered my teenage years ...

Alright... alright! I know I said I was done with the "Dating Chronicle" blogs .... And I was (because I'm in my engaged era) ... lol - but then I saw this post on social media and it said this - "If you wanted me to speak more highly of you then perhaps you should have treated me better... You don't get to narrate MY story of MY experiences with you."  And this quote resonated throughout my entire being like a resounding gong! I felt every word of that statement run through my veins. It awakened something deep down inside of me that I can't explain. I have purposely chosen not to write about some of my horrible experiences because I was asked not to... by at least 4 different men.  And... now that I'm in a clearer state of mind, it makes perfect sense. Of course they asked me not to write about them... because they treated me like crap! Yet - even as I write this - I hear God whispering to my heart, "What would Jesus do?" Hmmmm... He...

It's been 4 years and 11 months since my now ex-husband walked out on our 20 year marriage. If you have followed this blog since before that then you know how unexpected it was. If you started following this blog during my Dating Chronicles Series you may be thinking, girl - get over it, it was almost 5 years ago. Here is the thing... I have moved on and at the same time the ripples in the pond are still rippling. I am engaged, I am writing new chapters to my story and I am finding my way back to the straight and narrow path I abandoned when my world fell apart 5 years ago. I have been on quite the detour these last several years. It feels like every time I overcome some post divorce battle another one appears out of nowhere. Healing is a process and I believe how quickly we heal strongly comes from decisions we make during the process. There are days that life feels really unfair. There were decisions made for me that I was too weak and depressed to fight.  Then there were decisio...