Dating Chronicles: It's Going to be Okay
I've grown some pretty thick skin since my divorce... so with my formidable defenses in place I decided to respond to the comments on my Facebook page and share my heart. This action is second nature to some, but the old me would have simply deleted the post and moved on. I have never been a fan of confrontation, I would back down from a debate and I would walk away from a fight instead of standing up for myself - but I'm learning that being completely passive is not a good thing and sometimes we need to be assertive. I still pick and choose my battles... and this was one I felt needed to be fought. Or at the very least... explained.
Most of my posts are meant to encourage and inspire. This one wasn't any different. However, the backlash received, made me feel like I was the victim of unmistakable injustice. A sort of righteous anger rose up within me and then it was quickly accompanied by a vision of hurting people. Those that commented were not necessarily attacking me but rather sharing their own brokenness. I mean... some were probably meant to be mean... but I prayed and responded the best way I could. I shared my truth.
The short of it is this: My husband left me after 20 years of marriage. I did not have a say so, there was no fixing it... it was over. My therapist explained it like suddenly losing your leg in a motorcycle accident. It's a type of trauma... and all traumas need time to properly heal, mentally and physically. During my healing process I prayed for God to give me strength to accept it without feeling guilty, help to rise above it and overcome it and to place in my heart that peace that passes all understanding. In His time... not mine... He answered my prayers.
After months of praying my aunt called me with a scripture that I had been searching for but for whatever reason I could not find. It gave me the answers I needed for my own specific situation... because God is a personal relationship God... and He loves us all the same. With this scripture healing began and prepared me for the next season of life which also brought about the other "okays" in this meme.
All of these "okays" are a part of life. We have to be willing and able to accept them and believe that it's okay if we want to continue to live a meaningful life... one full of love, happiness, peace, joy, contentment and purpose. It also serves as a reminder... we are all struggling. Our struggles may be different but that doesn't mean we should invalidate someone else's pain because we don't feel like it is as bad as ours. Who are we to judge what someone else has been through. Even if we've been through the same thing, that doesn't mean we went through it the same way. My best friend and I went through divorce at the same time. We both are Christian women, we both have 3 children and we both love with our whole hearts. However, our divorces were very different, even though we both experienced severe loss and pain.
As my healing continued, I started dating again... so many firsts, new experiences and situations. I had to remind myself... it's okay to feel this way. It's okay to say no to a second date. It is okay to walk away from an uncomfortable situation. It is okay to look for a new church, it is okay to make new friends, it is okay to shrink my circle, it is okay to put myself first sometimes... It. Is. Okay.
I laid on the floor and cried the day I had to move back home with my parents. I felt like a failure. I felt like I was letting my kids down. I felt like starting over was the end... but in reality it was the start of a new beginning. It was okay.
There have been lots of pauses, long deep breaths, and many moments since where I've had to remind myself that it's okay. My message has remained the same... from Pastor Amy to Divorced Amy to just Amy... Don't Give Up - It's going to be okay.
Our struggles are different, our stories are different, our lives are different... we do not have the knowledge to properly judge someone else. That's why God said, leave it to Him. Just love one another and live in peace. If it isn't easy for you to do where you are... change your surroundings. Regardless of the choices you feel like you have to make, are forced to make and need to make - remind yourself... it's going to be okay.
3 years later and I'm finally seeing the clouds move out of the way and the path in front of me isn't so foggy anymore. My favorite scripture has proven itself true once again -
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ whom strengthens me.
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