Dating Chronicles: Who Makes the First Move?

My last post “More than a Pretty Face” caused quite a stir. I received a lot of feedback including some "mantrums", a lot of different perspectives from men and women (which I love btw) and some pretty hysterical opinions. So I decided to take this feedback under advisement and take men off the hot seat by attempting to put the ladies on the spot with a woman centered question... However it seems men got the short end of the stick again… sorry fellas I tried (really... I did...lol). My question was this: 

Question: “What is your opinion of women making the first move and asking men out?” 

This question stemmed from my previous post, referring to the fact that most of the men that slide into my Dm’s or my friend’s Dm’s, start the dialogue with “Hey beautiful”. I gave my not so subtle opinion as to how this is soooooo annoying and guys should really try something more original... hence the "mantrums" - I received a lot of backlash saying “you try making the first move… it isn’t so easy… it’s intimidating and scary at times.” I took this to heart and agreed with them (mostly) and then posed the question - Should women make the first move?

Here are some of your responses: 

 “It’s 100% ok for a woman to ask a man out as long as he’s not an a$$ and misinterprets the questions/invite.” -Sylvian

“Sometimes men are too stupid to know how a woman feels so a nudge (direct contact) can be helpful. But being a guy who knows…lol.” -Brent

“Of course a woman can ask a man out on a date… but not sure I would. I guess it’s fear of rejection.” -Beth

“100 % okay as long as the man doesn't let it go to his head and think she is just asking for...that thing! God made women independent and strong.” -Jeremy

“Simple answer is ask...nothing ventured, nothing gained...and yes communication is the key…” - Neal

“Either way is good, it’s intimidating in both ways. If you get rejected, move on and you will find the right one. Take the chances men & women, never know what might happen.” -Shawn

“I have actually been taking the lead since my teens. Back in the 70s. Not that I didn't appreciate a man asking, but, if I saw someone I was interested in, I didn't let the opportunity pass. However, there are subtle, ladylike ways to do this.” - Teresa

“You only live once! If a woman is interested, she should say it. If a man is interested, he should say it. Why leave things unsaid? That only leads to regret.” - Michael

“I'm great with it. But like others have said, if it's too subtle, I'll miss it. A sign with flashing lights would help.” - Eric

“No - Women should allow men to pursue them. It’s how men are wired by God. Show interest, flirt, and wait!” - Desiree

My first thought was, “that thing?” How in the world does "wanna grab a coffee" translate to "wanna have sex"? Seriously, this isn't a Netflix and chill invite... it's coffee - furthermore if I do say Netflix and chill I am actually saying "let's watch a movie and eat some pizza and then I'll fall asleep and you can let yourself out". #facts

I pondered this one for a bit and just couldn't let it go. If a woman makes the first move do men really assume they are after sex and not just conversation to get to know each other? That opened an entirely different can of worms that I may or may not indulge in, in a later post…. LOL… but for now, let’s talk about, “Are men really that oblivious?” 

My single friends claimed that they felt they were dropping hints left and right for specific men to ask them out and my married friends said, I walked through the living room butt naked and my husband just sat there… How much more obvious could I be? Hahaha! Guys, I really tried to take you off the hot seat… but it seems ya need a little more help than we ladies realized.

This question caused quite a lengthy conversation on my social media news feed and my inbox is still blowing up with opinions and experiences. The different perspectives from men and women have really been eye opening. My personal take has always been, men should make the first move. This could stem from my own personal experiences with making the first move and asking a man out and then getting rejected.

I’ve only asked out 2 men in my life. Once when I was in high school and once as a divorced woman. I was turned down both times. Talk about a blow to the ego… so I totally agree with Beth above when she said fear of rejection is real. I’m definitely not planning to ask anyone out again any time soon but who knows... once I recover - it could happen - LOL - In the mean time, I'll just hang out in my bubble! 

Men, I hear you. It isn’t always easy having the pressure put on you to make the first move. I've heard you say independent women are intimidating and the fear of rejection is real. Ladies, you may think your hints are loud and clear but maybe he really is oblivious or you intimidate him. If you feel this is the case, take a leap and ask him out. 

I’m learning that I have so much more to learn about the man/woman dynamic. Communication is key and playing games is for toddlers. Be assertive, be honest and make your intentions known.

Lastly, never ever assume an invite for coffee, dinner, lunch, bowling… Netflix - whatever… is an invite for sex! SMH at this one… seriously… I can’t even -  I won’t - not today - but it’s coming… I’m sure it’s coming.

Next time on the Dating Chronicles: He Wore a Stained Shirt 

Seriously, I can’t make this stuff up!