Are You 'That' Mom?
Can I just take a moment and be real with you? Having a son away at college is hard! My momstinct goes off on the daily. It’s like I just know he’s testing the boundaries every chance he gets. And our conversations when he comes home have gotten - how do I say - much more adult and worldly. A lot more. We’ve always been open with our kids about everything. As soon as they asked “Where did I come from?” We told them. We’ve talked about drugs, alcohol, smoking, vaping, bullying, politics, suicide, sex, gender or no gender - you name it - we’ve covered it. Most of these conversations occur around the dinner table with the entire family present. Some conversations were a lot more uncomfortable than others, but if they wanted to discuss it and felt comfortable asking us about it then we took the big gulp, sometimes a shot (just kidding) and talked about it. We have always been open and honest and in return our kids have been open and honest with us. Sometimes - too honest - but not really - but really. You know those moments where you just wanna cover your ears and really loudly say, “Nah nah nah nah nah”... However I am sincerely blessed that my kids come to us with these sometimes taboo topics. It seals the fact that we have developed great relationships with them.
Well, fast forward past the days of making me blush around the dinner table and now my oldest has gone off to college. (Although the 2 still at home have some pretty colorful topics they like to discuss.) But now, instead of in person questions thrown at me to put me on the spot, my college boy, posts everything (probably not everything) on social media. Yes, I am stalking, trolling, getting all up in his business and I’m not ashamed. I don’t comment...just stalk. Until recently anyway... I’m scrolling Instagram the other day and I see this kid on top of an extremely large sign, way up in the air, at night, that he must have climbed because there weren’t any stairs... and I shake my head and think to myself that kids parents must be worried sick...then I look again and IT’S MY KID! Caption reads “Did you know Lancers can fly?” - Now - my momstinct was to get in the car, drive to his school and spank him. Yes, I’m being serious. But my kid is 6’2” and can out run me and has been able to since he was in middle school. Nevertheless my heart is racing and I’m freaking out. Obviously he survived because he was able to post this little gem on social media but of course the mom mind is racing to ‘what’s next’ upside down beer bonging...please do not comment. (eye roll inserted)
Now, some of you may be thinking I’m overreacting. Well, keep it to yourself. I’m only seeking sympathy here and some “I feel you mom” comments or I’ll send you some wine (just kidding). And although you may be right...I doubt it...but I’ll give you the option of the possibility, I still feel out of control. However, in my defense, this is my first born, oldest son, apple of my eye and I miss him tremendously. So there could be a slight chance I’m looking for reasons to still be needed and this is obviously a reason. He still needs guidance. I mean you don’t just go around at night climbing things that you aren’t supposed to be climbing. Can I add, this isn’t his first offense. He’s been climbing to the tip top of trees since he could climb. They say moms of boys don’t live as long because our entire momhood is spent with moments gasping for air as our heart skips a beat at the things our boys do. I know it could be worse...but is this just the beginning and worse is coming? Have my husband and I done our jobs as parents and prepared him for college life? Will he still serve the Lord? Will he keep making dumb choices or will he wise up? This is my first rodeo!
Poor oldest son. We’ve always told him he was the guinea pig. It’s true though - right. We don’t know what we are doing with the first one. We learn together. The hubs and I have always said we haven’t done much right but we have raised 3 phenomenal kiddos. They are super smart, kind hearted, generous and love their family and friends. I literally swell up with pride when I look at them unless I’m looking at them 100 feet up in the air on a sign! I think to myself “Wow! God - You, me and Tom did that!” It is an amazing feeling. Except when they are acting up and then I say, “God, that’s your kid - I’m done”.
Now, I’m like, did I mess up somewhere? My kid is climbing towers, running around crazy at night...I need to up the parenting game. All the other stuff was pregame - it’s time for the Super Bowl. So what did I do? I responded on his little post, “No they can’t, now get back to earth!” Bahahahahaha! Oh - in true mom style I laughed at myself. I have never ever ever...and I mean never posted on my kid’s social media unless it was a heart or a smiley face. I have never wanted to be “that” mom. Well I became that mom the other day. I’m not ashamed, I’m not embarrassed, I’m not worried in the slightest that he will hide his posts from me...he already has an account that I’m not allowed to follow...but at least he told me about it right! Haha! I’m not worried because about an hour later I got a private text that said, “I love you mom”. He knows. Oh - he knows!
As with everything in my life, I’m looking for God. I knew God was in this situation, in more ways than one. But this is what I got this go round. You know God is watching us all the time. We may not realize it but He is. Just like my son is away from home right now and is doing his own thing, finding his own way and making some mistakes along the way - I’m still watching as much as I can. I’m here. I’m praying. I’m loving him unconditionally. Just like the Lord is watching us, guiding us and loving us unconditionally. And on the occasion we take one step too far off the path He’s carved out for us, He comments with a reminder from His Word - that’s not good for you - try again. What a comforting feeling these soft reminders give to us. It is out of His nature to mess with our free will, so He doesn’t, instead, He stands beside us, guiding us, gently or sometimes a little sternly...placing road blocks in our way to guide us back to the right path.
So that’s where we are. The umbilical cord has been cut and we are standing by ready to help our baby boy when we are needed. We still give our opinions and are understanding that now he is an adult and our words are just that, opinions, guidelines. He can take them or leave them. If he’s smart, which he is, he’ll take them. Just like with us, the bible is our instruction book for life. If we’re smart we’ll adhere to it...if not...well...you just might think you can fly when God is telling you not yet.
Well, fast forward past the days of making me blush around the dinner table and now my oldest has gone off to college. (Although the 2 still at home have some pretty colorful topics they like to discuss.) But now, instead of in person questions thrown at me to put me on the spot, my college boy, posts everything (probably not everything) on social media. Yes, I am stalking, trolling, getting all up in his business and I’m not ashamed. I don’t comment...just stalk. Until recently anyway... I’m scrolling Instagram the other day and I see this kid on top of an extremely large sign, way up in the air, at night, that he must have climbed because there weren’t any stairs... and I shake my head and think to myself that kids parents must be worried sick...then I look again and IT’S MY KID! Caption reads “Did you know Lancers can fly?” - Now - my momstinct was to get in the car, drive to his school and spank him. Yes, I’m being serious. But my kid is 6’2” and can out run me and has been able to since he was in middle school. Nevertheless my heart is racing and I’m freaking out. Obviously he survived because he was able to post this little gem on social media but of course the mom mind is racing to ‘what’s next’ upside down beer bonging...please do not comment. (eye roll inserted)
Now, some of you may be thinking I’m overreacting. Well, keep it to yourself. I’m only seeking sympathy here and some “I feel you mom” comments or I’ll send you some wine (just kidding). And although you may be right...I doubt it...but I’ll give you the option of the possibility, I still feel out of control. However, in my defense, this is my first born, oldest son, apple of my eye and I miss him tremendously. So there could be a slight chance I’m looking for reasons to still be needed and this is obviously a reason. He still needs guidance. I mean you don’t just go around at night climbing things that you aren’t supposed to be climbing. Can I add, this isn’t his first offense. He’s been climbing to the tip top of trees since he could climb. They say moms of boys don’t live as long because our entire momhood is spent with moments gasping for air as our heart skips a beat at the things our boys do. I know it could be worse...but is this just the beginning and worse is coming? Have my husband and I done our jobs as parents and prepared him for college life? Will he still serve the Lord? Will he keep making dumb choices or will he wise up? This is my first rodeo!
Poor oldest son. We’ve always told him he was the guinea pig. It’s true though - right. We don’t know what we are doing with the first one. We learn together. The hubs and I have always said we haven’t done much right but we have raised 3 phenomenal kiddos. They are super smart, kind hearted, generous and love their family and friends. I literally swell up with pride when I look at them unless I’m looking at them 100 feet up in the air on a sign! I think to myself “Wow! God - You, me and Tom did that!” It is an amazing feeling. Except when they are acting up and then I say, “God, that’s your kid - I’m done”.
Now, I’m like, did I mess up somewhere? My kid is climbing towers, running around crazy at night...I need to up the parenting game. All the other stuff was pregame - it’s time for the Super Bowl. So what did I do? I responded on his little post, “No they can’t, now get back to earth!” Bahahahahaha! Oh - in true mom style I laughed at myself. I have never ever ever...and I mean never posted on my kid’s social media unless it was a heart or a smiley face. I have never wanted to be “that” mom. Well I became that mom the other day. I’m not ashamed, I’m not embarrassed, I’m not worried in the slightest that he will hide his posts from me...he already has an account that I’m not allowed to follow...but at least he told me about it right! Haha! I’m not worried because about an hour later I got a private text that said, “I love you mom”. He knows. Oh - he knows!
As with everything in my life, I’m looking for God. I knew God was in this situation, in more ways than one. But this is what I got this go round. You know God is watching us all the time. We may not realize it but He is. Just like my son is away from home right now and is doing his own thing, finding his own way and making some mistakes along the way - I’m still watching as much as I can. I’m here. I’m praying. I’m loving him unconditionally. Just like the Lord is watching us, guiding us and loving us unconditionally. And on the occasion we take one step too far off the path He’s carved out for us, He comments with a reminder from His Word - that’s not good for you - try again. What a comforting feeling these soft reminders give to us. It is out of His nature to mess with our free will, so He doesn’t, instead, He stands beside us, guiding us, gently or sometimes a little sternly...placing road blocks in our way to guide us back to the right path.
So that’s where we are. The umbilical cord has been cut and we are standing by ready to help our baby boy when we are needed. We still give our opinions and are understanding that now he is an adult and our words are just that, opinions, guidelines. He can take them or leave them. If he’s smart, which he is, he’ll take them. Just like with us, the bible is our instruction book for life. If we’re smart we’ll adhere to it...if not...well...you just might think you can fly when God is telling you not yet.
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