Is God Your Everything?
When I say to you God is my everything, I am not tickling your ears with some beautiful compliment for my Creator. I literally mean He is my everything. When I say I understand what you are going through and I’ve been there, I am not just trying to empathize with you, although I do; I truly mean I’ve been there.
I’ve battled depression, fought suicidal thoughts, I’ve been abused, I’ve been sexually assaulted, I’ve dealt with addiction in all forms, I’ve been betrayed and used. I’ve been lied to by those closest to me and put in situations where I was forced to take sides and resented being put there. I’ve been stolen from and I’ve even had family spread terrible rumors about me. I’ve had health issues, marital issues, parental issues...Issues about issues...I’ve been there.
Is it weird that even though these people have hurt me to the depth of my core that I still feel a need to protect them? It is an odd place I find myself. Do you ever feel like that? Like you want to share your testimonies with the world just to show what God can do, but at the same time, it would be at the expense of those you love and have truly forgiven, so therefore you don’t want to tell the world. Is it keeping glory and honor from God? I do not know. I think of the preachers in the bible that yell from the street corners that God warns us to not be like. Isn’t it enough that God and I know what He has done for me? I feel it is. Yet, some that used to be in my inner circle (who are not anymore) shamed me for not being real. Why? I do not feel like I have to share every single heartache and torturous moment that I have lived through or been delivered from just because inquiring minds want to know. God is with me in the secret place. That is why it is called the secret place. No one else is invited to come in. It is a secret between me and God.
Ministry life is not easy. I am under a watchful eye all of the time. So is my family. I am judged on how many hours I put in a week. Yeah...for real…How do you calculate a lifestyle? Do I put down the hours 1am-4am that God wakes me up to pray for those in my congregation? Do I put down the miles and hours of driving to and from visits, hospital stays, or the private conversations of counseling that those people plead with me not to share? I am judged by what I wear, what I say, what I eat, how I look, every testimony I share or don’t share. Am I complaining? No, just venting. There is a real difference. Trust me.
So why not walk away? I’ve been asked this many times, and the answer is this, I’ve been called. It is like a magnet pulling at my soul. I tried to walk away once. I was more miserable than I have ever been. To not be in the Will of God for your life is a very painful place to be. It is true agony.
So, what do I do? I fight daily for the right balance. I share only what God leads me to share. I share deeper than I would like sometimes, but when the Lord prompts my heart, I must obey. Obedience is better than sacrifice. I know that the little bit of privacy I am sacrificing is far less damaging to my walk with God than not being obedient to Him. I also do my best. I am who I am and I am very well aware that I am not perfect nor will I ever be...well not until I reach glory and finally feel the arms of my Savior wrapped around me. Then I can rest. Then I will no longer struggle with this binding of flesh.
I share all of this simply to encourage you in your walk with the Lord. Please know that He sees all and hears all. He is always with you. There will always be someone that does not understand what you do or why you do what you do, but after all His ways are not our ways. We are in the world but not of it. When you are called, it is different than choosing a career for your life. Your free will is to answer the calling or not, but once you do, your life is no longer your own. You belong 100% to God and you have surrendered your life to the plan He has for you. This choice will never be a mistake and it will never come back to bite you later. It will never be easy, but it will always be rewarding. You can never outgive God.
I can honestly say, God has healed every hurt, mended every relationship, dried every tear and calmed every storm. He has been true to His every Word and stuck closer than a brother. He is with me in my darkest moments speaking life into my mind. He has been by my side through every betrayal reminding me that no one is without sin. He has sent prayer warriors to fight for me when I was too weak to fight for myself. I have felt His strength in my weakest moments and there were even times when I felt like He was breathing for me.
God is why I am here. He is why I am alive. He is why I get up every day and keep pushing forward. Of course my husband and my kids are the biggest lights the Lord has given me, but God is the One who gives me strength to be a wife and a mother.
Be encouraged my dear brothers and sisters in Christ. You are not alone. Christ shares in your sufferings and He has prepared an eternal resting place for you. As I watch my grandmother daily, I see her slipping further and further away from this place and reaching for the eternal land of peace and glory. I am seeing how short life truly is and I am determined to make the most of mine.
I will do my best to be kind, loving, caring, unselfish and forgiving. I will not be bullied into doing what others think I should do or not do and I will strive each day to listen for the voice of the Lord, because the world is full of people with good intentions, but actions speak louder than words, and when it has mattered the most, God is the only one who has always, 100%, without fail, shown up and made stuff happen.
Give it ALL to God. He will take your mess and create a masterpiece.
I’ve battled depression, fought suicidal thoughts, I’ve been abused, I’ve been sexually assaulted, I’ve dealt with addiction in all forms, I’ve been betrayed and used. I’ve been lied to by those closest to me and put in situations where I was forced to take sides and resented being put there. I’ve been stolen from and I’ve even had family spread terrible rumors about me. I’ve had health issues, marital issues, parental issues...Issues about issues...I’ve been there.
Is it weird that even though these people have hurt me to the depth of my core that I still feel a need to protect them? It is an odd place I find myself. Do you ever feel like that? Like you want to share your testimonies with the world just to show what God can do, but at the same time, it would be at the expense of those you love and have truly forgiven, so therefore you don’t want to tell the world. Is it keeping glory and honor from God? I do not know. I think of the preachers in the bible that yell from the street corners that God warns us to not be like. Isn’t it enough that God and I know what He has done for me? I feel it is. Yet, some that used to be in my inner circle (who are not anymore) shamed me for not being real. Why? I do not feel like I have to share every single heartache and torturous moment that I have lived through or been delivered from just because inquiring minds want to know. God is with me in the secret place. That is why it is called the secret place. No one else is invited to come in. It is a secret between me and God.
Ministry life is not easy. I am under a watchful eye all of the time. So is my family. I am judged on how many hours I put in a week. Yeah...for real…How do you calculate a lifestyle? Do I put down the hours 1am-4am that God wakes me up to pray for those in my congregation? Do I put down the miles and hours of driving to and from visits, hospital stays, or the private conversations of counseling that those people plead with me not to share? I am judged by what I wear, what I say, what I eat, how I look, every testimony I share or don’t share. Am I complaining? No, just venting. There is a real difference. Trust me.
So why not walk away? I’ve been asked this many times, and the answer is this, I’ve been called. It is like a magnet pulling at my soul. I tried to walk away once. I was more miserable than I have ever been. To not be in the Will of God for your life is a very painful place to be. It is true agony.
So, what do I do? I fight daily for the right balance. I share only what God leads me to share. I share deeper than I would like sometimes, but when the Lord prompts my heart, I must obey. Obedience is better than sacrifice. I know that the little bit of privacy I am sacrificing is far less damaging to my walk with God than not being obedient to Him. I also do my best. I am who I am and I am very well aware that I am not perfect nor will I ever be...well not until I reach glory and finally feel the arms of my Savior wrapped around me. Then I can rest. Then I will no longer struggle with this binding of flesh.
I share all of this simply to encourage you in your walk with the Lord. Please know that He sees all and hears all. He is always with you. There will always be someone that does not understand what you do or why you do what you do, but after all His ways are not our ways. We are in the world but not of it. When you are called, it is different than choosing a career for your life. Your free will is to answer the calling or not, but once you do, your life is no longer your own. You belong 100% to God and you have surrendered your life to the plan He has for you. This choice will never be a mistake and it will never come back to bite you later. It will never be easy, but it will always be rewarding. You can never outgive God.
I can honestly say, God has healed every hurt, mended every relationship, dried every tear and calmed every storm. He has been true to His every Word and stuck closer than a brother. He is with me in my darkest moments speaking life into my mind. He has been by my side through every betrayal reminding me that no one is without sin. He has sent prayer warriors to fight for me when I was too weak to fight for myself. I have felt His strength in my weakest moments and there were even times when I felt like He was breathing for me.
God is why I am here. He is why I am alive. He is why I get up every day and keep pushing forward. Of course my husband and my kids are the biggest lights the Lord has given me, but God is the One who gives me strength to be a wife and a mother.
Be encouraged my dear brothers and sisters in Christ. You are not alone. Christ shares in your sufferings and He has prepared an eternal resting place for you. As I watch my grandmother daily, I see her slipping further and further away from this place and reaching for the eternal land of peace and glory. I am seeing how short life truly is and I am determined to make the most of mine.
I will do my best to be kind, loving, caring, unselfish and forgiving. I will not be bullied into doing what others think I should do or not do and I will strive each day to listen for the voice of the Lord, because the world is full of people with good intentions, but actions speak louder than words, and when it has mattered the most, God is the only one who has always, 100%, without fail, shown up and made stuff happen.
Give it ALL to God. He will take your mess and create a masterpiece.
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