Cats and Grandmas

This morning I woke up to cat food in my sink. How in the world did cat food end up in my sink? I immediately knew how but let me take you through my morning routine.

My normal morning routine always starts with making a pot of coffee. This is how I discovered the cat food in the sink. I was filling the coffee pot with water when I looked down and saw cat food everywhere. As soon as I turn on the water for the coffee my cats, Melvin and Henry, appear like clockwork and start meowing so loudly that if they were dogs you would assume there was a fire. Then they take turns weaving in and out of my feet and walking circles around me with their long furry tails whipping my calves. This behavior means they are hungry, or not even hungry but they want me to put food in their bowl.

Cats don’t care if there is already food in the bowl, if the bottom of the bowl is showing just a little bit then I must put more food in. The food must come from the bag because I’ve tried shaking the bowl to fill in the hole in the bottom but they are wise to this and will continue to meow until I have reached into the bag of cat food and actually put fresh food in the bowl. It is a tedious routine but they have trained me well.

Why don’t I just throw them outside my husband asks? He asks because he doesn’t like cats, well in front of me he doesn’t like cats, but I have caught him petting them a time or two. The reason is because I haven’t had my coffee yet. I don’t function well before my coffee and therefore the cats rule until then.

If we are being honest I have tried to ignore them, but what happens next? They are relentless. I sit down and they jump up on me, I put them down, they jump up on me again, they know how to maneuver that tail just right that it hits me in the mouth every time. So I take a moment and pet them, then they get all excited purring like a race car while rubbing their face against mine leaving a small trail of cat slobber on my cheek followed with turning around and sticking their butt in my face, back arched like they are in yoga class while all the while I just want to smell my coffee brewing not cat butt in my face. So I put them down again or I may even draw some unknown energy and put them outside, but then they just scratch the door and meow even louder, which wakes up the chickens and now I have cats meowing, chickens squawking and then the dogs start barking because the cat is at the door. They don’t bark when the cats are in the house because in the house the cats rule. They will scratch the dog’s eyes out in a heartbeat, however when they are outside my dogs can chase them up a tree. It is like some secret code in animal kingdom. Cats rule in the house, dogs rule the yard and the chickens rule them all. So that is why I just feed the cats while waiting for my coffee to brew.

Well this particular morning I was walking in defeat once again to the laundry room, where I keep the cat food, and I look down and see cat food all over the floor. There is one bowl full of cat food and the other full of water.This may seem like a normal scene to anyone that would not know better so let me explain. I have two cats and they each like to eat out of their own bowl. I tried the one bowl for the two of them to eat out of but cats do not like to share. Someone had come into the laundry room and dumped the food all over the floor, then proceeded to the sink, dumped the rest of the food in the sink and filled it up with water. I do have a separate water bowl for them to drink out of so the need for this extra water bowl was entirely unnecessary. There was a lingering trail of cat food from the laundry room all through the kitchen to the sink.

Who in the world would have done such a thing? My husband hates cats so I know he didn’t give them water. My kids know how OCD mommy is about certain things so they would dare not defy me and my two bowl system, plus they are kids, they can’t even feed themselves more or less the animals without being told. Who does that leave? Oh, my 83 year old grandmother, that’s who.

I cannot tell you how many times I have asked this woman not to feed my animals. Why? It seems so harmless right...well no! It isn’t harmless. Like I explained earlier my cats don’t like to share a bowl. My dear sweet grandmother, that lives with us, is just like any other old person in the world and she thinks everything is hungry; always hungry. She doesn’t sleep at night so she wanders the house looking for stuff to feed. She knows where I keep the cat food, even though I have hid it 100 times, and she grabs the bag and fills up one bowl, to the point of overflowing onto the floor and then dumps what is left in the other bowl onto the floor and then decides to sprinkle a little more onto the floor, just in case and then fills the other bowl up with water, which she also overflows because the evidence is water all over the floor. I know this is how she does this because she has two cats of her own and she leaves piles of food all over her room for them; just in case they have to stop and snack on their way to the food bowl. She also has 10 water bowls and cups all over her suite for the cats to drink out of. It is like a picture of Rome, you will not go to the food, the food will come to you.

This is the same woman that eats a carton of ice cream a day, straight out of the carton. She is always telling me my animals are hungry and I need to feed them. I remind her I kept them alive for 5 years before she moved in and that I love them and I feed them and I have a certain way I like to do things. I remind her of the water bowl that they do share and that they like separate food bowls. The problem is she doesn’t remember. The other problem is she is old. Some old people just don’t give a flip. So she proceeds with her midnight excursions to feed everything in the house. My cats are not happy with two water bowls and one food bowl so this leads to the constant meowing and tail swishing until I fix the problem. It is constant, never ending and down right frustrating at times.

I know I am being a big ole meanie, but that isn’t all. Food is a hot commodity in this house. I mean with two teenagers and a little girl growing bigger than amazon children I am at the store daily. I fix dinner every night and every night my grandmother comes over (from her suite attached to our house) and eats with us. The battle begins, my kids need less veggies and more ice cream. Ice cream is nourishing she says. They don’t have to finish their dinner she says. Mushrooms are gross she says as she unknowingly eats them in my spaghetti sauce.They have to save room for ice cream she says. Coming from the woman with 3 overweight unhealthy children of her own. Okay I know this is sad, but a truth and a truth I don’t want to repeat with my own kids. So, what do I do? I do nothing. That isn’t completely true, I pull my kids aside when she isn’t around and I threaten to take away every electronic they own if they don’t eat their veggies. I tell them to set a good example for their great grandma and to eat all their veggies at dinner especially the mushrooms. They do, because great grandma is cute and cuddly and mommy is scary and unpredictable. What else do I do? I write about it. I share all of my nonsense with you so maybe you can have a laugh or maybe feel sorry for me or maybe pray for me. I pray a lot, honestly it is my prayer life that keeps me going.

My prayer time has taught me this; my grandma is 83 and she is not going to change. She will continue to sneak into our part of the house at night and dump out the cats food and give them water instead while leaving a mess that is likened to a toddler fixing their own cereal. She will continue to feed my dogs human food even though we have asked her not too. She will continue to push ice cream on my children and try to convince them it is nourishing. She will continue to forget and she will continue to age. So even though these little nuances drive me bananas most days, because this is just a taste of having an aging relative live with you, she won’t always be around to do so. One day I will wake up and the cat food will be right where I put it, there won’t be spilled water on the floor and food everywhere and I am sure when that time comes I will miss it. I love her, my kids love her and my husband loves her and ignoring her outright defiant, almost adolescent, behavior is what you do when you love someone, well someone that is 83.

Proverbs 20:29 The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.