Lessons Learned: You Can't Change Anyone Except Yourself

Are you an eternal optimist? I am. So much so... I've been told that it's annoying... I can't help it though - I'm a hopeless romantic, glass always full, you can do it, don't give up kind of woman. 

This blessed personality is a curse as much as it is a gift. The blessing is obvious. I see the good in people. I see the diamond in the rough. I see what can be instead of what is. I wear rose colored glasses and rarely take them off. God loves us and all things work together for our good according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) This is my motto and how I do life.

The curse. You can't change others and make them put on the rose colored glasses. You can't help those that don't want to help themselves. You can't make others see the good in themselves that you see in them and you certainly can't convince them that their behavior is destructive and harmful to themselves and others. 

This has been one of the hardest things for me to learn. As someone that loves God and has experienced His forgiveness, His mercy, His grace, His renewed power and strength in my soul and continuous intervention in my life - I just want to open you up and pour His love inside of you until you get it!

It's like when you are at a party and someone has made the most delicious dessert you've ever tasted and you go around telling everyone - You have to try this! This is amazing! This is the yummiest thing I've ever tasted! In return there are always the ones that turn their noses up, clench their jaws and refuse to try it. You are left dumfounded as to their resistance to at least taste it. It's disappointing to say the least.

The same goes for experiencing God's constant presence in your life. It's so good... so so good... and you just want to share it with everyone. When you are met with resistance and sometimes cruel rejection of this amazing goodness... you feel disappointed. Alas... I have learned, we can only make decisions and changes for ourselves. 

Let me share some good news with you though. This lesson has brought me mental freedom. When the bible tells you that the truth will set you free... it's real. Okay... I'm taking this slightly out of context...lol - however, it's true. Understanding this simple truth - I can't change anyone except myself has brought me freedom from so many situations and circumstances. I literally feel set free from a weight that was holding me down.... And - I didn't realize how heavy the weight was until it was gone. 

When the weight was lifted so was the burden of feeling responsible of others actions and choices. In return, the time that I was spending trying to convince others that they needed to change, I can now spend on myself. 

This isn't selfish. This is healthy. The bible says to love others as you love yourself. You have to know how to properly love yourself if you are to know how to properly love others. Loving myself, means taking care of my mind, body and soul. This kind of love means allowing God to work in me and through me. This requires change. Change of mindset, change of habits, change of surroundings and if necessary change of people that I engage with. 

These are choices that we can make for ourselves and not for others. It is hard to watch those that we love mess up over and over again when we've been there and we know there is another way. However,  we need to understand their choices are their responsibility, not ours. It is exhausting and truth be known, we do it to ourselves. We have to stop forcing it on someone who isn't ready for it nor wants it. Get the fork of yummy dessert away from their mouth. If they don't want it... eat it yourself. 

We are flesh and flesh gets tired. God is infinite and never gets tired. That is why His Word tells us over and over again - give it (them) to Him. 

When I finally learned and accepted this truth I felt like a new person. I felt years of burdens immediately lifted. I felt lighter and my mind felt free. I feel like I'm walking in peace for the first time in a long time. 

How did I do it? Honestly, it wasn't easy. It took lots of practice but I started with changing my habitual prayers for people into one, God you got this, prayer.  

Dear Lord, Help me to let go and let you do what only you can do. In Jesus Name, Amen.  

I repeated it over and over again until it stuck. 

Sometimes we get stuck in the rut of praying for people over and over again. Truth bomb - God heard you the first time. He didn't forget. He's handling it in His time and in His way - So let go.

When you continually pray for someone over and over again, it consumes your mind and makes it more difficult for you to shift your focus to something else. We think we are doing right but in actuality it is an attack of the enemy to keep your mind in bondage. Taking it to God and leaving it in His hands sets your mind free and frees the hands of God to do what needs to be done.

No time for the theology post today...lol... trust me though! Let go. Let God. Go for a walk, get a cup of coffee, call someone that makes you smile. You aren't going to change anyone... so make some time for the positive changes you can make in your own life.

Blessings XOXO