My Bleeding Heart

Don't you hate it when someone posts something on social media that only gives you half of the story? They share a poem or a meme that you know is meant for someone to see and hopefully get the point they are trying to make without having to say it to them directly... only to leave the rest of us completely clueless as to what the heck is going on in their life. I apologize in advance... this blog is like those posts.

Greetings my precious readers. Forgive my hiatus. I know I haven’t blogged in a while… and truth be known - I have a lot to blog about. Unfortunately, I’m torn between the rock and the hard place once again. I want to share what I want to share… but because I know my sharing will potentially hurt others - I cannot. It’s been a battle between this blog and myself ever since I opened my laptop in 2016.

I’ve been told that my lack of sharing has made me come across shallow at times, stuck up and snobby. I guess that is the price I have to pay for protecting others. Finding a way to share my deepest thoughts and feelings while trying to encourage others that may be in similar situations but not being able to fully expose the raw truth of my life has been difficult from day one and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier. I sincerely apologize. My heart is in the right place.

I follow evangelists and ministers that stand in the pulpit and share their deepest darkest secrets and how God has brought them healing and restoration and it amazes me. God is so good. I am thankful for their testimonies and I’m thankful for the strength that their truths give me to keep pushing through every day. I know first hand, what they do - comes with great sacrifice. The bible tells us in Luke 14:25-33 “count the cost”. Jesus paid the price for our sins… but there is a price to pay for being His disciple. It’s worth it - but it is not easy. 

My heart has always been and is still - to glorify God and help others along the way. I believe the scripture Romans 8:28 that says, “All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” There lies the conundrum - to fully share His glory in my life - in order to share how the good came out of the bad - I need to share the darkest, dirtiest and hardest moments of my life… Why? So I can give you even the smallest glimpse as to why I love Him so much. How good He has been to me, how He has protected me, how He has loved me and how He hasn’t given up on me. Then there are those… that will not be encouraged… they will feel like they’ve been thrown under the bus. I will not purposely hurt others… so instead - I pray.

I’ve been labeled a “hopeful optimist” - I think this is just a glorified way to say, stubborn…lol - but I’ll take it. I tend to look for the good in all people, even when they can’t see it in themselves. I look for the glass half full, the light in the dark, the good that God will bring out of every bad situation and I absolutely refuse to give up. So my encouragement to you is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow… Don’t Give Up.

I am struggling right now. So while I continue to pray for you and your strength as you push through the hardest days of your life, I ask that you do the same for me. Maybe one day, when my kids are grown and the ghosts of my life are haunting new places… I will be brave enough to fully share my bleeding heart, like the ministers I look up to and receive inspiration from. Until then, I’ll do what I can, when I can and pray God is glorified in the process.

To those of you that have reached out during my silence and my lack of presence on Social Media… Thank you. It is true, when I’m quiet or withdrawn, I am going through something - but know this - God is my King and I will not give up! Prayers and Blessings - Amy