Dating Chronicles: Mr. Double Dip

I saw this meme the other day and I'm pretty sure I laughed so hard I snorted my water right out of my nose!

I remember chatting with divorcees when I was still married and thinking OMG I'm so glad that's not me... hahahaha... well the joke was on this chic, cause here I am - S.I.N.G.L.E

 

It's been 2 1/2 years since I re-entered the dating world and I have to say 2 things about it: 1) To the singles that I knew before I was single - I'm so sorry! 2) What am I doing with my life?

My sister and my BFF consistently tell me that I'm too picky! I keep trying to discern if they are encouraging me to lower my standards or if Chris Hemsworth really isn't an option... hmmmm

I'll let you decide - comments are welcome.

This blog comes to you courtesy of Mr. Double Dip. I like to name them all - keeps them anonymous and honestly - It makes me giggle... lol

Date wasn't off to a great start to begin with. It was a set up from a mutual friend who wanted to go out with Mr. Double Dip's friend and I was the bait. If I agreed to this date then Mr. Double Dip would set my friend up with his friend. Total high school... maybe middle school type stuff - but my girl (not Renee - in case you follow more than this blog) was a tad desperate. I literally took one for the team. #friendship

 

Reluctantly, I agreed. He's a marine. Not sure that matters... just a fact. He picked me up. He was dressed very nice. Clean cut, fresh haircut, vacuumed his vehicle out and he smelled nice. I thought to myself, okay... bonus points for really trying to put the best foot forward. Conversation was awkward at first - he seemed nervous - not sure why - nevertheless - that's the way he came across. I suggested we get a drink. It worked. It took the edge off... at least his - I still felt like a worm on a hook. He loosened up and we actually had a decent conversation.

It was time to order the food. He suggested nachos for an appetizer and I agreed. He likes jalapenos and I do not. So we got them on his half. When our order came we dove right in. I know I wanted to keep my mouth full so I wouldn't have to talk as much..lol. He went for his side of the nachos and I went for mine. I had grabbed a huge chip and I could only bite half of it at first. I then proceeded to take my second half of the chip and go back for more cheese - that's when it happened - he looked at me like I had 3 heads. He startled me when he boldly said, "You aren't going to double dip are you?"

Say wha????

Now let me take a minute to tell you something about me. I have manners. I am not going to grab food off of your plate (unless you offer), I am not going to try a sip of your drink (unless you offer) and I will definitely not take you up on that offer if upon our first encounter I deem you as non-kissable. I wash my hands, chew with my mouth closed and know etiquette. I don't double dip as a rule... but this was my side of the nachos!

I responded with, "Oh I'm sorry." He smiled and kept talking like he hadn't just reprimanded a toddler. I was done. I know... I know... seems silly... I guess I wasn't really feeling it to begin with, but that put the nail in his coffin. You aren't going to double dip are you? Seriously man... you had to bribe my friend to get me to go out with you to begin with and then you call me out for double dipping my chip on my side of the nacho plate. Hold on - it gets better...

We got through dinner. I had shrimp tacos and he had some fajita platter times 3 with more beans than my mom's homemade chili. I could only imagine the stomach issues that were on the way - remember my blog about the farter - no? Read it... it's a doozy - but I have already established that is a big turn off for me. I don't recommend Mexican food for a first date. But if ya do - then order safe! 

I tried really hard to keep the conversation going until our meal was over. I still had to endure the car ride back to my house afterwards. And I'm still thinking when are those 3 extra large helping of beans gonna hit?  I respect his military service so I asked lots of questions about his time with the marines. He loved answering them too... lol... He ended up only asking me 2 questions about myself. Yep, I counted. Did you read my blog, More than a Pretty Face? I have depth... haha! He asked me, do I want to get married again and how old are my kids? SMH - Finally the meal is over... but now we have the ride home. He did open the car door for me and he paid for dinner. In my defense, I did offer to pay for my half of our tab but he insisted. All I could think about was the car ride home and all those beans he ate. 

Ride home was about 25 min. We do not have the same taste in music but I didn't say a word. I let him rock out to his Milli Vanilli and MC Hammer and I pretended to be texting my kids. I'd like to blame it on the rain... lol... but this is the way we roll. (If you caught that, we can be friends.) We got to my house, he got out and opened the car door and walked me to my door. Bonus points... but not enough. He leaned in for a kiss - I almost laughed - but I'm nice. I simply said... tsk tsk... no double dipping. I shook his hand and thanked him for dinner.

I went in my house and thought to myself... how in the world did this man think that after scolding me for double dipping my chip, on my side of the nachos - he was going to get a kiss. You mean to tell me, my chip saliva can't touch your chip saliva but you wanna stick your tongue in my mouth? No! Nada! Nope! No siree Bob! 

I mean really - I knew before I even went on the date it wasn't going anywhere - judge me - I don't care - it was for a friend. But to think that this guy really thought he was going to kiss me and not let me double dip is ridiculous! 

Am I too picky? Is this too much? I don't care... Between the farter, the frog kisser, the ghoster, the bragger and mister is that a sweater on your teeth? (that blog is coming) I have almost given up.

Not to say there haven't been some really good dates in between. There absolutely have been. They just don't blog as well... LOL

Til next time my friends - Be Blessed