Dating Chronicles: The Bad Boy

I’ve sworn off dating. It’s just too complicated. If you find yourself in the second, third or even fourth round of this “love” thing (like me)… I’m sure you’ve had moments like this. After a bad, awkward or maybe even a good date… you think to yourself… This is just too exhausting. The bad dates leave you feeling like you will never meet your life partner and the really good dates cause overthinkers like me to end the relationship before it even has a chance. The walls go up and you tell yourself  "I’m not ready for this".  I can only conclude that these thoughts come from the fear of getting hurt again and again and again. Nevertheless I’m taking a break. I mean not really… lol… it just seems like the mature thing to say. 

Over the past 2 years of being back in the dating pool I’ve learned a lot about what I like and what I dislike in a man. I adore someone with a kind heart, loves their family and believes in God. I also learned that I'm really attracted to what some would label as a "bad boy". Now, before you go and get super judgy… cause let’s face it… most of us are (super judgy) hear me out. Jesus flipped over tables, John the Baptist spoke his mind, Elijah was sarcastic, Peter was impulsive, Paul was a murderer… okay maybe that’s taking it too far… but my point is - the bible is full of God fearing, Jesus following men - with an edgy side.

I remember riding in my car one day and Taylor Swift’s “Wildest Dreams” came on the radio. A song about a rebellious guy that Taylor had strong chemistry with. It's funny how certain lyrics from certain songs can paint a vivid picture of your own circumstances. This particular song reminded me of a guy that I was crushing on at that time... a bad boy. I immediately turned off the radio and started talking to God. I asked him, “Why am I attracted to these bad guys?”. I had really been beating myself up about this. I was seriously questioning my taste in men.  I sat in silence waiting for God's response... LOL and pondering most of the dates that I’ve been on. I'm happy to report, God did eventually answer my question… and I must admit - I absolutely love His response!

I received my answer through a friend of mine that has been walking with God and studying the bible much longer than me. They said, “It isn’t that these men are bad, the attraction is that they aren’t tame.” The conversation progressed to several quotes by C.S. Lewis from “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” that collectively say, “Course he isn’t safe, but he’s good…He’s wild you know, not like a tame lion…” These quotes lead to discussing how the bible refers to God being like a lion (not tame). He's strong, mighty, his anger is righteous and he protects his loved ones. We never know what His reactions are going to be but we can trust they are done in love... even if it means turning over a table or 2. 

There are multiple scriptures throughout the bible that refer to the character of God being like a lion, similarities like powerful, protector, fierce and a king.  Let me tell ya… that conversation got me sooooo excited! Haha! First off, I no longer felt like a bad Christian. I could finally stop beating myself up for being attracted to these rebels… because they really aren't rebels - they are passionate. Before this lightbulb moment I was constantly beating myself up. I felt like I should be dating the praise and worship leader, the man that leads an in-home bible study, or the pastor himself.  But time and time again, it's been the man with an edgy side.  Not that these men can't have an edgy side - I just haven't found one yet.

As my friend and I discussed the character of Jesus and the story where He flipped over the tables in righteous anger I began to understand my attraction to the rebel. It’s the passionate heart that draws me in. The untamed nature… never knowing what they will do but because of the goodness in their heart their actions won’t bring me or others harm. As I studied the “bad” boys of the bible a little further I realized how similar they are to the men I’ve dated over the last 2 years. The bible says the prophet Elijah was a man of unclean lips, and it grieved him. Peter denied Christ and it haunted him. Daniel defied the king’s orders and faced death but God delivered him. Pages and pages of truths written about rebellious passionate men with hearts to serve God. I find this soooooo sexy! Haha!

I’m still studying, I’m still guarded and I still haven’t found “the one”... and I’m not in a hurry… because I know that in God’s time all things will work out like they are supposed to and all I have to do is trust Him. In the meantime I am thankful that God answered me. He is so faithful to answer us if we just take the time to pray and then to listen for his answer. 

In this current dating season of life I am learning so much about myself, my faith, my own character, my likes and dislikes… what I’m looking for in a future partner… where I need to improve, things that I need to change and things that are good exactly how they are. Life is an amazing journey and I’m grateful for each day that I wake up and get to live it. Be blessed my beautiful readers. God loves you!

Next time on the Dating Chronicles - Mr. Double Dip

Photo by Ric Rodrigues