Dating Chronicles: More than a Pretty Face

My friend posted a meme the other day that had me burst out laughing… It said, “I know I’m hot, but I also know I am not a full time hot person. I’m hot when I wanna be. I choose my own hot hours. I make my own schedule. I do freelance hotness.” Oh how I can relate (well kinda)  

Honestly… and I’m being serious, I don’t feel like a “hot chick”. Full transparency here - When I look in the mirror I see someone I don’t think is ugly… but I don’t say to myself, “ooooo u sexy thing… you’re so hot” hahahahaha… maybe I should start, though. I feel like that word is more suitable for my friend that posted the meme or one of the Kardashians… maybe J Lo, Rhianna, Scarlett Johanson… you get the picture. I’m working hard to not pick myself apart and point out all my flaws but I definitely don’t think I’m hot. Maybe this feeling stems from being divorced after a 20 year marriage, maybe I’m just humble or maybe I just know my number… Either way, I know I’m pretty but I also know I have a lot of layers under that pretty and whoever takes the time to peel back those layers will be the one to eventually break through this thick skin I’ve grown over the last couple of years. Elsa isn’t the only one with walls of ice.

I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t enjoy being complimented on my looks. I do. Every human does and if they say different - they are lying. What I do not enjoy is that being the one thing every suitor uses to start a conversation with me. I am not alone in this either… I have several beautiful friends that are also single and they say the same thing… I wish someone would just say, “Wow… you accomplished that all by yourself… that’s amazing” or “You are so smart and independent”, compliments on our character, accomplishments and acts of kindness go much further than, “Hey beautiful, what’s up!”.

Do some research before you message or call someone for the first time. I mean that person could be the most gorgeous person on the planet but if they are mean hearted, stupid or boring is it really worth your time? I guess for some it is… ugh… but for the majority of us that are looking for something a little more… you gotta have more than a pretty face - You need some depth! And my circle of girlfriends and I are much more than a bunch of pretty faces… there is a deep soul full of love, passion, interests, knowledge and fun just waiting to be discovered. 

This brings me to Mr. Limited Vocab. This man (whom I’ve known for years) sends me a message one day commenting on my Facebook Story and says “OMG you are so beautiful”. I said thanks and went about my day. A day later, a new pic was posted, same comment… mind you this was a pic of me power washing the house. I was a sweaty mess, covered in dirt and really just posted it to be funny… no filter, nothing cute about it at all… I like to post real stuff purposely so if you run into me in the grocery store, you won’t call your friend and say, “OMG, I just ran into Amy in the store and she doesn’t look anything like her social media pics. Girl is haggard and tired and she needs a real life filter.” Bahahaha! You know what I’m talking about. Been there… seen that… bless their heart. 

Next pic, I’m crying, a pic from a movie set I was working on. Message, “you are even beautiful when you cry.” Eye roll, finger down my throat, bleh… moron… why not ask me about the movie I’m working on, the cool production crew I met, my favorite color… anything but what you actually said. Next in line, is a pic of me and my kids… message sent, “Your kids are so cute (they are btw) but not as cute as their mama.” Okay… I’m seriously about to vomit. I want to block and delete, but I’m so not mean. AND - we’ve known each other for years. I’m thinking they are just having a mid-life crisis or something. These comments won’t last… they’ll snap out of it. But sadly they didn’t… this went on for a couple of months. Every single thing I posted was followed up with a “You’re so beautiful” message… AND - he didn’t even use the correct you’re. He said, “Your so beautiful”. Okay… so not that terrible… but at this point I was in full on judgy mode. 

Finally the day came when I had to delete and block. I posted a pic of my daughter and I having ice cream… This fool said, “Omg Amy, you are so hot, wish I was that ice cream you are licking!” Are you freaking kidding me… it’s a pic of me and my daughter… you nasty waste of my time. Why in the world, for the love of all things holy, would you say that to me??? 

Did I call him out? Yes. Did I block him? Yes. Was it harmless… doubtful. Listen, I get it. Initial attraction to someone is huge. You need to have chemistry. I am way big into chemistry. Physical touch is my love language. My closest friends know this… I am a hugger, a cheek kisser, hand holder, rub your shoulders, snuggly kinda girl. This is how I say I care about you. My kids know this…lol… They totally tolerate my insistent hugs, cheek kisses, cuddles when watching movies together etc… they know. I digress - my point is - a “pretty” comment/message here and there is acceptable. However, if you can’t find something more to comment on than that, then please just move on. 

Again, I’m not saying, I don’t love a compliment… I absolutely do. I love being a woman. I love every curve that makes me feel feminine. I love it! I like being complimented on it.  We all do… but I also have a brain, a soul (that belongs to Jesus), a heart, a freaking amazing sense of humor… haha… I’m witty w/ a side of sarcasm, I’m a nature lover, a coffee addict and so much more. I have layers on top of my layers. And nothing is sexier to me than a man that pursues those layers and wants to get to know me from the inside out. Absolutely no sexual pun intended here… LOL…

I’m not alone in this thought process. All of my single lady friends feel this way. I’ve done a survey. They all agree, compliments are nice, but if you are looking for more than a random hook up, do your research. It could save you both some time. The person you think is beautiful could be a couch potato and you are an avid outdoorsman. And one thing I’ve learned in this age bracket of dating… people are set in their ways. Not gonna find someone you can mold or change. #Facts 

Men, be honest about your intentions, do your research and if all else fails, Google how to slide into a DM or compliment a woman without coming across creepy… LOL

Ladies, don’t be so judgy. (This is the pot calling the kettle black - I know.) It takes a lot of guts for a guy to muster up the courage to send you a message when he thinks you’re cute. And - I’ve also heard that men find us intimidating and they would actually prefer us to message them first because they feel so much pressure from trying to figure out what to say that they chicken out. True story… from several of my single male friends.

Moral of the blog… I tend to get sidetracked… LOL - We are all more than what we appear on the outside. We are more than faces behind a phone and a computer screen… we are humans with souls, hearts, feelings, likes, dislikes, fears, families, love to give and layers…. Lots and lots of layers.  We are more than just a pretty face. 

My Bestie, Renee and I. She contributed to this post!