I Just Wanna Scream

Have you ever just wanted to scream so loud that you knew if you did the neighbors would call 911 because surely something that sounded that horrifying could only mean someone was dying. Unless of course that neighbor is also a mother and a wife and in that case she would probably bring you a bottle of wine and a box of tissues and say “I feel ya girl”. Oh how I know that feeling all too well. Some days I just want to scream until it feels like my head will explode. Some days my stress level can escalate so fast I get whiplash. I literally feel the build up deep down inside the depths of my inner most being and it is literally a physical sensation that gurgles and growls (no I’m not hungry) and it seems the only release is to SCREAM! Oh how I would love to just take an impromptu trip to the beach where I can sit in a hotel room by myself, cry, stuff my face with coffee and chocolate and then go for a walk on the beach just so I can go back to my room and cry some more, and then when I feel all of the stress from my life finally melt away for the moment, I can return home to my beautiful family, where in a few days I will feel like screaming again. Alas, my pocketbook, nor my crazy hectic schedule will allow such a luxury, therefore I put my head in my pillow and I scream as loud as I can.

Let’s face it, life is busy. If you are alive and have a job, kids, spouse or just one of the above then you are busy. Throw in sports practice, dance recitals, late meetings, housework, laundry, pets, a car and a social life, then you have reached the Twilight Zone. I am blessed and I know it. I have an extremely flexible schedule most days and with three kids and a grandmother who seem to be visiting the doctor every other day I am grateful for my job and the room it leaves for me to accomplish such tasks. However, the flip side of that is, I think I’m Superwoman, and I can do it all. I can’t. It doesn’t matter how flexible my schedule is there are still only 24 hours in a day. Some things get done today, some will get done tomorrow and some, well some, are still on the list I created for things to do over the summer, ya know when I thought I would have more time. Maybe I will get them done next summer. Sigh.

On days that I want to scream, run away or just stay in bed all day, I am grateful that I belong to a loving and compassionate God. He gets me. Some days I look up and say, “Wow, you really think I’m strong enough for this, don’t you?” and He answers, “Yep”. Then I put my head back in my pillow and I scream again. Then I hear the scripture 1Corinthians 10:13  “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” When this scripture comes to my mind it gives me strength. I think to myself, well if God knows I’m strong enough to handle this, even though I don’t feel strong enough to handle it, I must be. I have to admit it feels pretty awesome to know that the all powerful Creator Himself knows how strong I am, even when I don’t, and He teaches me anyway. However, this scripture gets taken out of context way too often, because; we need to remember, we can bring things on ourselves, but when following God and seeking Him daily, those unexpected things, for example, the stray dog coming into my yard and attacking my chickens the first day of school, that are truly beyond our control, He protects us from. The extra stuff that we don’t invite on ourselves, He places that hedge of protection around us to keep it from getting too close. He let’s just enough come our way, to help us grow in Him.

This scripture also causes me to examine my day. What did I bring on myself? What could I have said no to? Where can I cut the fat tomorrow? I’d like to cut it off my stomach, but that is another blog for another day. When we seek God’s Word for our daily life and how to live and how to prioritize then things really start to come into perspective. Matthew 6:34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” This is another one of my favorites. It helps me to focus on today and just today. Did I spend time with my family today? Did I give God the glory for today? Did I pray? Did I read my bible? Did I feed all of the living things I’m responsible for? If I can check those things off of my daily list then I am in pretty good shape. I know that if tomorrow comes I will have to eventually face all of the things on my list, but if I am taking time out to put God first and really truly seeking His Kingdom first, and not my own, then maybe I won’t feel like screaming quite as much.

It really boils down to where is our mind. Is our mind focused on Christ? Or is our mind focused on everything else? Oh how easily we can get off course. We make martyrs of ourselves by trying to be everything to everyone, and saying yes to everything and everyone. We refuse to put up boundaries and stick to them and then we try to blame others for our crazy, wanna scream the day away, problems and stress.  

I want to encourage you, if you are like me, and find yourself screaming into your pillow, more than you should, take a timeout, and rest in God. Seek those scriptures that you need, not the fluffy ones that make you feel good for the moment, but the ones that you really need. The ones that will make you examine your life, the ones that make you uncomfortable, the ones that bring conviction. Take them and apply them to your life. Don’t say “I don’t know how”. One of the upsides to our crazy technological world is that you can YouTube anything. I guarantee there is a preacher out there who has covered the scripture you need to apply to your life. I would bet my last chocolate bar they have broken it down in a way you can grasp it. Will it be easy? Not if you are a control freak like me. Will it be worth it? Absolutely! I think we all need a little less screaming and a lot more praising coming from our lips. Be blessed and be encouraged, Jesus loves you!