I Asked and He Answered

Our church is full gospel. We are a hand raising, Amen shouting, dance if the Holy Spirit moves you kind of church. We are not to be confused with churches that preach just to tickle your ears or give you the goose bump feel goods but not the sharp sword truth; we are a God fearing, Holy Spirit seeking, truth loving people of God.  

Recently, after a Spirit lead service reminding me to seek God deeper, a memory flooded my mind. I was transported back in time (in my mind) to several years ago when we were having what we call a “Soaking Service” at our church. This is when we come together at a time other than Sunday morning or Wednesday night and we play worship music and seek God and soak up the fullness of His presence in one accord as one body of Christ. In my mind I was literally back there and the vision was so clear I knew God was trying to remind me of something. I saw the faces of those that were there. I heard the soft music playing in the background. The fresh laid carpet stilled smelled new. There was reverence among the people and then it hit me. What happened to me that night was another one on one encounter with God, like the angel that came to me in my bedroom, and I am embarrassed to say that I had forgotten this moment until He reminded me of it, but I will not forget it again. I will praise Him for it every day.

I was at the front of the church beside the altar and I was kneeling on the floor with my head bowed. In fact there were several of us on the floor kneeling, some with their hands raised in worship, some with their hands cradling crying faces, some singing softly and some sitting in complete silence. I was kneeling with my hands folded in prayer and I was asking God to fill me with His Spirit. I had been baptized in the Spirit before and I was seeking it again. There is something indescribable about being filled with the Holy Spirit. I am inclined to think each of our experiences is different and unique like we are, therefore virtually indescribable but equally fulfilling. As I continued kneeling with my head bowed I heard in my Spirit, “fall on your face, this is Holy ground”. It was not harsh, but truth. I was reminded of Moses when God instructed him to take off his shoes because he was standing on Holy Ground. I hesitated like a lot of us do when God tells us to do something. Two reasons come to mind, 1.) we are worried what others will think and 2.) we second guess if it was really God. I fell victim to the first of these reasons, I was hesitant because at that moment no one else was lying down or on their face and I was worried what others would think. I wanted to be obedient and I knew this was another opportunity for growth in my walk with the Lord.  After a minute of pondering I decided to make the move and lay down down on my stomach face down, in complete reverence to my God. All of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I saw one of our young adults fall down on their stomach face down. I felt jealous that they had been obedient to the Spirit’s call and I hadn’t. However, I didn’t want to miss out on the blessing God had for me so I did the same. I laid down with my face flat to the floor and my arms stretched out in front of me. I cried out to God and asked Him to forgive me for not being obedient right away. I felt ashamed. I knew I could not stay in that shameful moment so I made a decision to go boldly before God and ask Him to do something for me. I was humbled and I felt completely vulnerable lying there on the floor in complete surrender. In my spirit I softly asked God to tell me He loved me. My eyes were closed, my face was buried in the carpet, tears were streaming down my face and I felt like a child seeking comfort in the arms of his parent. I wanted to know that I was forgiven; not just for my recent disobedience but for everything. Yes, I had already made that walk, yes I had already asked Jesus into my heart, yes yes yes. But in this moment, feeling the presence of God Almighty, knowing the Word says where two or more are gathered in His Name, He is there, knowing all of this, made me feel unworthy. And not unworthy in a bad way, but unworthy in a way I knew my place in the world. He is the creator, I am the creation. I desperately wanted to hear Him say “I love you.” You know sometimes you know something, but you just need to hear it. I needed it and I begged Him to tell me He loved me...and then He did.

There were several church elders in our service that evening and all of them had the gift of speaking in tongues and one had the gift of interpretation. Now don’t leave me just because I brought up speaking in tongues. The story is about to get good. I believe in the whole bible from Genesis to Revelation, and it says some will have the gift of tongues and it wasn’t just for them back then, because that would mean all the gifts were for them back then, and I believe they are for us today as well. Okay, now that is settled, let us continue.  As the elder with the gift of tongues and interpretation began to speak the entire atmosphere thickened. It was unbelievable, we knew God was with us, but the holiness kicked up a notch when she began to speak. She was interpreting a word that had been given from another elder. It was amazing. I was paralyzed in that moment with complete reverence. As she spoke I was still asking God to tell me He loved me. No one could hear me, no one could see my face, it was just me and God.  It became almost unbearable, there was a build up inside of me that needed to be released and the only way that could happen was the audible confirmation that my God loved me. I know it sounds crazy, His death on the cross demonstrated His love for us all, but I wanted that deep personal relationship that I saw so many others have. I needed to hear it more than anything else in the world. I was determined to stay there on the floor, face buried in the carpet until I heard the words that I craved.  All of a sudden in the midst of the elder’s interpretation she paused, she seemed almost thrown off from what was happening, she was being completely taken off track from her interpretation, but she knew it was God and she was obedient, her voice deepened to that of an octave I had never heard her speak, her volume increased and what happened next was miraculous.  “I love you” passed from her lips and just as fast as she was taken off track, she was back on, and picked right back up with her interpretation. Boom! Had I tuned out for a second I would have missed it. But I didn’t miss it! God answered my prayer. He changed that whole moment just for me. He told me out loud that He loved me! It was a good thing I was already on the floor because I surely would have ended up there.

I don’t think I even have the vocabulary to articulate what I felt in that moment. I know that I began to cry uncontrollably and the build up found its release. I was given the heavenly language faster than my lips could keep up. My flesh felt pounds lighter but I remained on the floor weighted down by reverence although I felt light enough to fly. I was overtaken by the feeling of love in a depth that I cannot explain. All I know is if that is a taste of what is to come when we get to heaven sign me up. The peace I experienced in that moment was extraordinary and I know it was a gift. I didn’t have to buy it or barter for it; I just asked God to tell me He loved me and He did.

What an amazing God we serve. I can’t believe I had forgotten this life changing moment. I remember when I left that evening I felt a new sense of confidence. Confidence in knowing who I was in Christ. From that moment on I began to seek God more and more. My ministry began to grow and I became so busy that those moments became few and far between. I was walking with God daily; talking to Him, praying to Him, even seeking Him, but I missed those moments where I would just humble myself completely before Him and let my weaknesses become so exposed that His strength takes over. I recently recognized the absence of this type of worship in my life and when I did He reminded me of this glorious testimony. I will never allow myself to forget ever again. I am carrying this love story with me in my heart for the rest of my life.

I am sharing this intimate moment with you because I want to encourage you to seek God for yourself so that you too may have moments like these. The bible says that Satan roams around seeking whom he may devour (1Peter 5:8), and he seeks to kill and destroy, but God came to give us abundant life (John 10:10). This great moment I had with God gave me abundant life. It added to my existence in a form that Satan can never take away. He can take material things and he can even take people from you, but he can never take away moments like these and these moments are what you build your foundation on in Christ and as your foundation forms and thus your life, you begin to realize that material things don’t matter, what people think about you doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters is your relationship with God and when that is right, everything else will fall into place. Be blessed and carve some time out of your day to fall on your face before your Creator and praise Him and thank Him, and most importantly seek Him.