Social Media, Drama and Hot Flashes

I am going to take a side bar from my normal blogging style for just a minute. I made a vow to myself a long time ago that I would not put my personal or family drama out on Social Media. I made this decision for many reasons. One is for the simple fact that I used to be a drama queen and I loved it but now that I am a born again Christian, grounded in the Word of God, I detest drama. When I see it on Social Media I have very mean thoughts pop up in my head, so I refrain from responding. “Blessed are the peacekeepers” I tell myself and boy does it take Jesus to keep my peace. In case you are curious as to what little naughty things pop in my head I will indulge you this once, but pay close attention because you will not hear or see this again. Thoughts that pop in my head when I see “drama” on Social Media is as follows; 1. No one cares. 2. I don’t care. 3. Get a life. 4. Get a job. 5. Another selfie? 6. Not a good look for you. 7. I want to unfriend you. 8. Are you bipolar? 9. Stop drinking. 10. I don’t have the time it takes to pray for someone like you. Not very Christian of me, I know, so this is why I keep my thoughts to myself, scroll on by and ask for forgiveness. I really do feel conviction from some of the thoughts that I have.  I know not everyone is in a good place in their life, I know not everyone is a Christian and I know I am not always right in my thinking; so again I keep my thoughts between me and God because He will forgive me, but people not so much. I guess another reason I have such a hard time seeing all of this drama out there is because I like to keep my life somewhat private.

I have a very small circle of people that I let into my "life drama" and these people have been specifically chosen because I know they will pray for me and my situations.  I also don’t feel it is necessary to post on Social Media every time I use the restroom or go to the doctor.  Due to my lack of updates some people have felt I have lead them astray; that what I post is a vague representation of the real deal or that I really am stress free. They see all my happy family pictures, places I’ve traveled, the fun I have at work, but none of the behind the scenes stuff; like financial issues, kid discipline issues, spousal issues, work issues etc. so it is assumed my life is dreamy. Well, my life is amazing, but only because I choose to look at it that way. I have lots that I could complain about, but I choose to look at the glass as half full. But just for a moment I am going let you into my secret life; after hours if you will. I feel lead to share this story with you because I know that I cannot possibly be alone in this and I am hoping it will make you laugh, but also realize how stressful it was for me for the week this incident was occurring. I know the bible tells us that Jesus suffered as we do today and more, but I have a hard time imagining Jesus going through something like this.

(wink wink nudge nudge)

Ever since my precious Maggie was born, eight years ago, my hormones have taken a directional change. They rock the block, cruise Moody Avenue, dip down into Cranky Ville, shift into low gear to Depressed Town and climb the mountain to Happy Land, wind around Night Sweat Avenue and park on Hallelujah Street. My cycle was always “normal” a 30 day girl. I could count on it just like I could count 1+1=2. Well not anymore. Even after my husband’s vasectomy I have had several pregnancy scares. I can be one week late, two weeks late or have a no show. I talked to my doctor about it and he said “well you know hormones and stress can do weird things sometimes”. I trust him because he is a doctor, but I do not think he fully understands what it is like to miss a visit from Aunt Flow due to stress or any other reason and the end result at least until I have hit menopause is that I think I am pregnant.

My husband and I have three beautiful children. Our oldest son is 14, our middle son is 12 and our baby girl who is definitely not a baby anymore is 8.  We made the decision four years ago for my hubby to have a vasectomy. I admit I was torn at the time because I thought I wanted more kids, but now I am so happy we stuck with three that I freak out at the very thought of having another baby. I do not freak out because I no longer like babies or children (well most of the time) but I am so used to my kids being somewhat independent that the thought of starting over again sounds exhausting. I love my sleep, I love my quiet time when the kids are at school and the hubs is at work and I love hopping in and out of the van to run errands without a car seat, stroller, diaper bag or kid in tow.  Well two weeks ago I had the scare of the year. I have gotten used to being off a day or two with my cycle. I even know that when I am exercising really hard or under a lot of stress that Aunt Flow may be late or a no show, but never have I had her come late just because she felt like it.

I was eight days late. EIGHT! I was having a totally normal month. Work has been great, home has been great, no out of the norm stress, no hard exercise, just living life and going with the flow. (Total pun intended) I was on a camping trip with my church youth group and due to start the day we left to come home. I assumed Aunt Flow would be late because of the lack of sleep but I did not know how late I would be. Day one went by, no Aunt Flow, day two, three, four and still no show. I mentioned it to my husband with the subtle (not really) hint that I could be pregnant. He has lost weight, I have lost weight, he has always been an incredibly fast healer, and so if there were to be a 1 in 1,000 vasectomy fail rate, he would be that one. Tom went into immediate prayer mode. I can only imagine how that conversation between him and God went. “God please let her start, please God, I can’t handle more kids, we are already out numbered, I’m getting old, I can’t start over, Lord please I’m begging you, I will do anything you ask Lord, please let her start…please…please…please”! Sweat running down his face, tears pouring out as he pleads with the Almighty giver of life to not let there be life in my belly. I chuckle now at the thought of it, but I am sure my husband was freaking out. He only wanted two kids to begin with and after four years of begging and praying, I got my third, so going for more was really a losing battle that I chose not to fight but now this was totally out of my control.  Well after the complete freak out that I could be pregnant I started to seriously consider that our family might be growing and it scared the bageezus out of me. Things are stable right now. We have three wonderful healthy kids. They can bathe themselves, go to the potty on their own, fix themselves breakfast, lunch and dinner; Tom and I can have date night whenever we want because our 14 year old can babysit. We had our babies young on purpose. We want to be young grand-parents. We want to be early empty nesters and be young enough to travel and still enjoy it. A baby! A baby would turn our world upside down. So this would have been the first dramatic Social Media post. Followed with hundreds of comments on opposing and concurring sides.

Day five and day six went by and I felt nothing. I did not have a cramp, sore boobs, not even a mood swing. I even called my mom and asked her if I had been stressed but just didn’t realize it. She said no and that it was probably just the lack of sleep from our camping trip. I agreed but was still thinking a bun could be in the oven. Then after a day or two of really letting that thought settle in I started to think how cool it would be to have another baby. That sweet newborn cry and the thought of our family growing. The thought of a miracle baby and how excited our three kids would be. They have always wanted more siblings.  I found myself perusing the infant aisle at Target and looking at diapers and baby clothes. This would be my second Social Media post.  I stopped mid aisle and prayed “God please let me start”. I was freaking out. I really didn’t want another baby and I just wanted to start. I prayed, tried to make deals with God, I said I was not going to take a pregnancy test and that Aunt Flow would come, but what was really throwing me was that I didn’t have any signs. I always get cranky, sore boobs, and cramps. That has always been the one constant even when I’m a day or two off. Even when I skip it altogether because of extreme stress I still get the symptoms. The only thing that happened was a hot flash. This is where my story takes a one eighty.

Have you ever had a hot flash? I have heard menopausal women speak of these body soaking flashes with such despair that you think they must be adding a little drama to their tale; nope they aren’t even describing its complete horror to you. Their mild so called descriptions are nothing compared to experiencing one for yourself. If a man ever says to me again, “Oh it’s just your hormones” I may just say you are right and then hit him upside the head with a frying pan and say “Oh it’s just your head”. Lord have mercy I have had night sweats off and on since my daughter was born, you know those unexpected body changes that the doctor has not been able to figure out so they just say it is your hormones. Well here is a new one for ya doc. A night sweat is NOT the same thing as a hot flash.

I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat from head to toe. My hair was dripping like when I get out of the swimming pool. I had rivers of pooled water beads running from my chest to my thighs. I did not think it was possible to have so many sweat glands on one body. I seriously thought I had wet the bed, peed on myself, or one of my animals had climbed into the bed and peed on me. Then I thought I was running a fever and my body was breaking it but I was cool to the touch and I felt fine other than the liquid oozing from my pores. My pajamas were soaked all the way through down to my underwear. Once again I thought I had peed myself! The ceiling fan was on high and it offered no relief. I got up and checked the thermostat; 67*. I stripped off my pajamas, my underwear, put my hair up and stood under the ceiling fan toweling myself off like I had just gotten out of the shower. I climbed back onto the bed threw all the covers over on my husband and laid there trying to be still while the fan seemed to be hitting some invisible shield keeping its efforts from cooling me off. I thought to myself, what is going on, am I dying, am I seriously having a hot flash at 36, am I going through menopause at 36, what is this, what is happening to my body, should I go to the ER? Is this a hot flash? Lord help me! I wish it was snowing. I wonder what the temperature is outside. I wonder if I go outside naked would the neighbors see me. I don’t care if the neighbors see me; they couldn’t be any more horrified than I am right now.  I’m going to take a cold shower. No, that will wake up Tom. Who cares if I wake up Tom, he doesn’t have to experience this…ever! Lucky man. Ugh, men are so lucky. They can pee standing up; they don’t have periods, boobs or hot flashes. Thanks Eve. Seriously, you could have just left that apple on the tree, but no, it looked so good, you just had to have a bite. Stupid Adam. You fell for it too. Now here I am several thousand years later and my body is on fire because you couldn’t control yourself and all women are cursed! I am tossing and turning; more like flopping on a slip-n-slide on those micro fiber sheets and trying to get some relief when suddenly my husband wakes up from all the thrashing around and sees me laying there completely naked and no covers on me and he gets that “look” on his face. Oh I recognize that “look”; that look isn’t going to get you anywhere tonight buddy, so just roll on over and go back to sleep.  The cute little smirk, that twinkle in his eye. I look at him and with all seriousness I say very sternly “this is not an invitation”. Puzzled he rolls over and goes back to sleep. I however am still wide awake and trying to decide how I am going to cool off. I lay there and pray. I have a million thoughts running through my head. Eve and the curse, snow, cold shower, Tom mistaken my nakedness as an invitation for a middle of the night rendezvous, the kids, the bills, the dogs, the chickens, how hot hell must be. I’m thinking I need to get a haircut because my hair is sticking to me from being so wet and long. Then all of a sudden I get cold. I start to freeze. My body temperature drops faster than a rabbit pellet. All of a sudden I’m dry; everything but my hair, which will be getting chopped off in the morning. My pajamas, where did I put my pajamas, wait I’m not putting those back on, they are wet, ouch, I stubbed my toe. It is dark as night in here, oh wait it is night. I rummage around my room and I find my dresser, I put on clean underwear, my fleece PJ’s and I crawl back in bed and take back all the covers. I am so cold. I cuddle up to Tom’s back, he grumbles something and I maintain my position, this is not an invitation. Men! How nice it is for them.  I am lying there awake wondering what just happened. How can I go from one extreme to the other in a matter of minutes? Hormones! My doctor is definitely going to hear about this in the morning.

Okay so back to the whole Social Media thing and posting all of your drama for everyone to comment on. Can you imagine reading my updates on Facebook?

Amy: OMG peeps my period is 8 days late! Do you think I’m preggo?

Friend 1: OMG! Yes! Take a test…hurry…Dollar Tree has them..update ASAP..we gotta know

Friend 2: Didn’t Tom have a vasectomy?

Friend 3: Did you cheat on Tom?

Friend 4: I’m gonna PM you

Friend 1: Amy would never cheat on Tom, you should never say something like that.

Friend 3: I know Amy would never cheat on Tom! I was just kidding. Seriously!

Friend 4: Did you get my PM?

Mom: Amy call me.

Friend 2: Didn’t Tom have a vasectomy? You are just stressed.

Friend 3: Yes! Stress will make you late.

Me: Oh ladies I had the hot flash from Hades last night!

Friend 1: You are too young for hot flashes!

Friend 3: My friend started with hot flashes when she was 35 and she had cancer, go to the doctor!

Friend 2: Amy does not have cancer.

Friend 3: She might!

Friend 2: No she doesn’t.

In the meantime I get 150 likes on my status (that my phone notifies me of every time), more friends continue to diagnose or judge me and my PM’s are blowing up, and Friend 2 and Friend 3 get into a huge comment fight that ends in me deleting my status. So I just save myself the drama and all of these easily sucked in victims and just don’t put it out there. And guess what happens; Aunt Flow finally comes to town and all my worries subside, except for that horrific hot flash.

I am not a super saint. I just choose not to put all my stuff out there for everyone to see. I did call my mom freaking out that I was eight days late. I did go to Dollar Tree and buy a pregnancy test, and I did have a hot flash from Hades that I called my doctor about and was assured it was just my hormones. I feel that putting our “stuff” out there for everyone to see really just opens a door for the devil to put more worry on us then we need. I know sometimes it cannot be avoided but if it can be avoided then it should be. I hope I made you laugh, I hope I made you think, but most importantly I hope you thought about how great our God is because it is Him and only Him that keeps me from updating every hiccup in my day. I just roll with the punches because He is fighting my battles for me. Learn to laugh at yourself and at the devil and learn to pray for others. It makes life great even when it isn’t! God Bless y’all.