SNOWMAGEDDON
What in the name of all things wrong with people is going on? We get a weather report that SNOWMAGEDDON is coming and people are running to the store to buy milk, eggs and bread! What are you gonna do, eat French toast for 3 days… and how are you gonna make it, if your power goes out?
It’s been like this for decades. I don’t know why I assume that our country has evolved. I mean we wore masks for an entire year… It’s like watching a bunch of dancing monkeys… someone rings a bell and the frenzy begins. “Ooh ooh ah ah”
Snow is coming… Snow is coming… it’s like Paul Revere rose again and rang the bell from the east to the west… Snow is coming… Go get your milk and eggs. Hide your chickens and cows!
Some of you have never been in a real storm situation and it shows. I went to the store yesterday to get the essentials. The entire refrigerated section was wiped out. The employees were standing around scratching their heads like Thanksgiving dinner was happening again this weekend. Bottled water, that seems to be the only thing everyone is getting right, is clearly sold out. I hope you bought stock in Fiji or Aquafina before this week because that stuff shot up like a rocket headed to the moon… Unfortunately Dasani didn’t make the cut. If you still need water there is plenty of that left, cause no one likes that salty water taste unless they are in the Caribbean… and clearly we are not - We are planning for the best snow storm in 30 years.
You know what else was left on the shelves? Butt wipes, Vienna sausages and nabs. Yep… if you grew up like I did, fishing with my daddy in the middle of summer, stuck on a boat for 12 hours and no, it didn’t matter if you had to pee… that’s what the bucket was for - you ate nabs and beanie weenies to survive.
People are acting like spring isn’t coming and in a week or so this stuff will be melted, power will be back on and life will resume. Oh no, you can’t use your phone and you might actually have to talk to your spouse and kids. Your kids might start to detox from their video games and actually go outside to get some fresh air and play in the snow… shoot, some of your kids have never even seen snow like this. Dads, it is your time to shine. You finally get to tell a relatable story about when you were a kid and had to actually go to school in this mess and your bus driver got an award for air jumping that speed bump and everyone stayed in their seat. Those were the days.
There is nothing like putting some wonder bread baggies over your sneakers to hike out in the snow and play for hours on end, to come back in and have your mom fuss at you for leaving a puddle of wet clothes on the floor. My sister and I would strip to our undies, stand in front of the wood stove to dry off and warm up, eat something horrible like tuna straight from the can or if we were lucky and dad didn’t eat all the peanut butter, we’d get a spoonful and then grab another pair of plastic bags and go outside and do it all over again. We didn’t even realize the power was out because by the time it was dark, we came in and passed out from playing outside all day long. Such good sleep…
Buckle up buttercups. You soft little technology addicted pansies are in for the worst 2 days of your life. Meanwhile, I’ll be over here under a hundred blankets with my bottle of wine, cheese crackers, oil lantern and a hardback version of 50 Shades of Grey. The worst part will be going outside to pee in my bucket (might bring it in)… but I got my body wash wipes on hand. There will be no stinky butts in this house. (link below)
Just remember, this too shall pass. It’ll be July, 105 degrees and you’ll be complaining that your organic sunscreen is sold out and the weatherman said it was only going to be 99.
#Snowmageddon2026
Comments
Post a Comment