I have reached that magical season of life where my body wakes up every morning and asks itself...
"How can we keep Amy guessing today?"
Will it be more night sweats? Brain fog? Mood swings? Forgetting what word to use in the middle of a sentence? A mysterious itch that moves from one arm to the other for absolutely no reason? Who knows! It's like spinning the Wheel of Misfortune.
I finally decided it was time to fight back. I’ve tried supplements, vitamins, the fat shot - with little to no results. So -I made an appointment with my doctor to talk about hormone therapy.
And because every major life event apparently now requires emotional support or someone to remember what the doctor says (cause I can’t remember where I left my keys)... I took my daughter with me.
There I was, sitting on the exam table in one of those paper gowns that somehow fit no human being, while my daughter listened as I rattled off what feels like my body's latest list of software malfunctions.
"I'm exhausted all the time."
"I can't sleep."
"I wake up looking like I just ran a marathon... in Antarctica."
"My hair is getting thinner."
"I've gained weight."
"My skin itches."
"I walk into rooms and completely forget why I'm there."
"I cry."
"I get irritated."
"I laugh."
"I cry again."
My favorite - “I just want to punch people in the face.”
At one point I looked at my daughter and said, "Sweetheart... this is your future."
She looked back at me with the same expression people have when they realize they just boarded the wrong cruise ship.
The doctor nodded through my entire list like she'd heard it a thousand times before. Then she said to me, “You are the third woman today that told me they want to punch people in the face.”
Apparently, this isn't me losing my mind.
It's hormones.
Who knew a handful of tiny chemicals could hold this much power? I blame Eve. Do you see how horrible sin is? The repercussions are excruciating.
Honestly, no one prepared us for this.
People tell you about puberty.
They tell you about pregnancy.
They tell you about hot flashes.
But nobody tells you that one day you'll lose your phone while you're talking on it.
Or spend ten minutes looking for your reading glasses... while they're sitting on top of your head.
Or that you'll suddenly become personally offended by the thermostat.
One minute you're freezing.
The next you're opening the freezer just to stand in front of it.
My poor husband never knows which version of Amy is coming around the corner. He’s labeled my personalities, 1 - 5. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes I want to punch him in the face.
Will it be sweet Amy?
Hungry Amy?
Don't-talk-to-me Amy?
Let's start a brand new project that will take months (for him) to complete, Amy?
Even I don't know.
Getting older is not for the weak.
But here's what I'm learning...
Our bodies change.
Our hormones change.
Our energy changes.
But our value doesn't.
This season may be frustrating, but it doesn't have to define us.
If hormone therapy helps me feel like myself again, I'm all for it.
If it doesn't, well... my family may want to invest in helmets.
To every woman quietly wondering if she's losing her mind...
You're probably not.
You're probably just in perimenopause.
So give yourself a little grace.
Laugh when you can.
Rest when you need to.
Find a doctor who listens.
And if all else fails...
Carry a fan, a bottle of water, and maybe apologize in advance to anyone who catches you on a particularly hormonal Tuesday.
We'll get through this together.
One hot flash at a time.
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