Self Care: Boundaries are Biblical

Have you been physically, emotionally or spiritually abused? If you answered yes to any of those - Hear me when I say this - God did not intend that for you! When the bible tells us we will suffer for His Name sake, it did not mean that we have to stay in unhealthy relationships or tolerate someone intentionally mistreating us. Christians will be persecuted, yes... but that is a rabbit hole for a different day. 

What I will tell you is this - The bible is full of scripture on how we are to love and respect one another. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. Ephesians 5:25 Love others as you love yourself. Matthew 22:39 A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17 Honor one another. Romans 12:10 Carry one another's burdens. Galatians 6:2 The bible is full of instructions on how and why we are to care for each other. 

I'll be honest with y'all. When I started this journey, I was thinking I would start incorporating daily face masks, monthly massage appointments, planned date nights with myself. I had a shopping day planned to get some new shoes... I mean... I thought I was going to be pampering my tired self and filling my free time with feel good therapies. LOL - Why is God's plan always different than ours? Because He is God and we are mere humans... sigh... He's never let me down before, so here we go.

In all honesty, I have pampered myself a little bit. I believe it is necessary to a degree... But God... Oh my goodness... His plan has been so different than what I was expecting. When I entered into this new season of life, the Lord got a hold of me immediately and it has been a none stop healing of my soul ever since. I mean He's let me get some good smelly lotions, do my nails, take long hot baths and I bought some new plants. (I love taking care of my green babies, it is so relaxing...haha) However, I realized (with the Lord's help) that taking care of the outside while ignoring the inside is just putting a temporary band aid on unhealed wounds that I haven't wanted to face. And just like He is perfect in every way... God's timing is perfect in this self care journey too.  

I prayed and asked God where to begin this new self love adventure and He lead me to several devotionals and a book that has rocked my world. While following the instructions of this book (listed below) I was lead to pray about relationships. The list of people that have deeply hurt me grew unexpectedly over the last year. Some of this I allowed and some just came out of nowhere. I've been praying and asking God... What do I do? I'm exhausted from being hurt and I don't know how to process all of it.  And while praying, one of the biggest things God revealed to me is this - I don't have to force connections with people. I don't have to stay where I am not loved or respected. I have exhausted myself over the years pouring into others that just didn't care enough to match my energy. 

Through my daily reading, praying and journaling, I have learned that boundaries are biblical. Several scriptures talk about shaking the dust off of your feet and moving on. Matthew 10:14, Mark 6:11, Luke 9:5 These scriptures are referring to when the disciples went into a town and tried to share the gospel with others and were not well received, even rejected. The word isn't talking about actual dirt, but a symbolic separation between the disciples and the city they were leaving behind and leaving in God's hands. We can't force others to receive us or even treat us well... But we do have the power of free will and God has given us the freedom to choose the path for our life. Of course His desire is that we will choose to follow Him, but nevertheless, we have the power to choose. So, I learned, I have the power to put space between myself and those that do not treat me well. 

At first it was hard. We get used to someone's presence and even our tolerance of their mistreatment of us. And for some of us, we tolerate it for so long, that we find ourselves making excuses for their bad behavior and we convince ourselves, that is just how they are, or this is normal. NO! It isn't. And the worst part is, once we've tolerated it... and we choose to continue to tolerate it - The person responsible for our mistreatment... is us! Because we have the power to choose to walk away, dust the dirt from our shoes and move on to a place where we are loved and appreciated, we should do it. 

This has most definitely been the hardest part of my new expedition. As I dive deeper into self care I am learning how precious I am to God. I am learning how He wants the best for me and how much He loves me. I'm not gonna lie... this part feels soooooo good. We spend so much time seeking love and validation from others only to be let down over and over again because they can never offer us the kind of love that God does. Once you discover how much He loves and cares for you it opens up ways to love yourself that you never even knew existed.

When we abuse ourselves by not getting enough sleep, not eating/drinking right, hanging around the wrong crowd, worrying about every little thing and not praying about it and not taking the time out to take care of ourselves... it hurts Him. He created us and He loves us so much. Just like we love our own children and when we see them create bad habits, hang around the wrong people and neglect themselves, it hurts us. We are God's children and He wants us to take care of ourselves. He wants us to love ourselves. He said so in His Word.

So if you find yourself seeking peace within your circle like me, here are some scriptures that may help. Are your "relationships" encouraging you, lifting you up, holding you accountable in a godly way? Here are some scriptures that may help you answer those questions.

Proverbs 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Proverbs 22:24-25 Do not make friends with a hot tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared. 

Proverbs 12:26 The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Proverbs 27:17  As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. 

After reading and praying I learned that there is a fine line between being called to help and encourage people AND taking on all of their issues ourselves to the point we become so immersed in their lives that we neglect our own. This is where I go back to... I remind myself, we are to love others as we love ourselves. We have to take care of ourselves or we will never be able to help anyone else.

When reading the above scriptures and others I have found like them, I concluded that God wants us to evaluate our friendships and seek companions who encourage spiritual growth and goldy living, not moral decay. The words and actions of others literally made my insides feel rotten. That is most definitely not from God. 

Last year almost took me out... but it didn't! I am so thankful God didn't give up on me. He took my broken heart and began a healing process that I know is going to lead me down the path He has created specifically for me. I pray you would look to Him for your path, your healing, your purpose... and I pray you will let Him teach you how to take care of yourself. Love yourself my friends... Love Yourself.

Books I start my day with:

Pathway to Purpose

  by:  Katie Brazelton

Power Thoughts Devotional

    by: Joyce Meyer

The Self-Care Devotional

    by: Carey Scott