Self Care: Are You Loving Yourself

Welcome to my new series, Self Care. After getting engaged, I figured it was time to retire the Dating Chronicles and focus on something a little more encouraging. Although there are some unpublished blogs from that series that I’m dying to post… like seriously, the struggle is real… heehee

In case you are new to my blog, here is a brief recap. I was married for 20 years, worked in ministry, wrote a book titled “Don’t Give Up”, traveled all over to speak and encourage others, then my husband left. I went on to film a movie with Dean Cain based off of said book while separated, then I spiraled out of control, walked away from God, dated a lot of men, found one I liked enough to date again, got engaged and started rebuilding my life with God and realized that I had neglected myself, to the point of self abuse, while attempting a pathetic rebuild of my life… I know there is a blog somewhere with a longer version… but that about sums it up.

While trying to heal from my then husband walking out on me and the life we had built, I was ignoring myself, my pain, my horrible life choices, my health and by doing so I pretty much started to feel like absolute dog poo all of the time. Enter Perimenopause and I just knew I was losing my mind and dementia or death was on the horizon. 

So now here I am… venturing down the path of Self Care. I invite you to join me on this inside out healing adventure. I am still in absolute awe of the love that God has for us even when we are rebelling against Him. Just like my recovery from depression umpteen years ago (full story in my book Don’t Give Up), His love has once again pulled me out of the miry clay.

While re-establishing my relationship with God, I read the scripture, Matthew 22:39 “... love your neighbor as yourself”. This verse jumped out at me like a beacon of hopeful light. If I am going to love my neighbor as myself, then I have to first love myself. Hmmmm… I thought I did love myself, but after evaluating the horrible decisions I’ve made over the last few years, the weight I’ve put on and the bags under my eyes, I would have to say, I have not been loving myself. In fact, I have been ignoring myself or I’ll go as far as to say, hating myself. I have been in survival mode and ignoring the layers of hurt left by my ex, myself, some current situations and so much more. 

After reading that beautiful scripture, and with the Lord’s encouragement, I made a decision to start loving myself. I am soooo excited to start diving into the ministry of Self Care. Yes - it is a ministry! Jesus loves me and He wants me to love me and I am ready to learn how to do it. I must add that while praying about how to go about this, my 18 year old daughter, who is on fire for God, warned me to not idolize Self Care. She brought to my attention all of the Creators on Social Media that draw attention to themselves and away from God. She said they put more focus on themselves and not on how God truly intends for us to love ourselves. So with lots of prayer and caution tape everywhere, I am diving into the realm of loving myself.

This journey is starting with inside healing and some yummy smelling lotion. I recently started reading a book titled, Pathway to Purpose, written by Katie Brazelton. It is an oldie but a goodie! I have also ordered a Self Care bible study guide that should be arriving any day now. Katie’s book is designed to help us find our God given purpose and in order to do so, there is a step by step guide that starts with healing old hurts. It is a slow process but I’ve always been taught anything worth having is worth the wait. She cautions that as we dive into peeling back the layers of old unhealed wounds and even fresh ones, that we should go slowly. It is a process and one that shouldn’t be skipped. She also encourages her readers to find a wise confidante or even a counselor to help with the process. 

So… I picked up my journal and let my heart bleed all over the pages. Then, the hardest part. I sat with it. It was excruciating. If you are like me, when something is uncomfortable, I have to move, do something about it. But instead, I sat on my sofa like a toddler squirming in the church pew. I wanted to get up, call someone, play a game on my phone, anything to numb the anxiety that was starting to flare up. But - I sat there with my eyes closed, my chest pounding as I took hard chest caving breaths. I called on God and He answered. “Cast all your cares upon me because I care for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 I listed my hurts and asked God to take them from me, one by one.

After what seemed like hours but in reality more like 10 minutes, the anxiety subsided. 

I felt God’s presence. I let His healing begin its work in me. I know this is a process and it won’t happen all at once, not that it can’t, I do believe in miracles… but something tells me this isn’t one of those seasons. I know it will be a longer season and that is okay because I am not alone. God is with me and He is with you. 

This is a vital first step in self care. If you don’t nourish something from the inside and you just focus on the outside then all you are doing is putting a temporary bandaid on it.

But…. it doesn’t hurt to give your outside self some attention too. My daughter bought me this amazing skin cream for my birthday. It smells so good and it’s made from all natural ingredients. After I got myself together, I took a long hot shower and lathered myself up with this amazing smelling skin balm. As I rubbed myself down, I reminded myself, I am God’s child. He loves me, He wants me to take care of myself and He is with me every step of the way. I repeated positive affirmations to myself as I took my time rubbing the lotion into my skin and breathing in its sweet aroma. There is something very calming about smelling nice scents. 

I hope you will join me on this journey. My prayer is that we will learn how to love ourselves so well that when it comes to loving others we won’t hesitate with what God is calling us to do.

I want to encourage you today, grab a pen, a computer, a tablet, wherever you take notes and write down all your unhealed hurt and maybe some current ones too. Only do this if you feel safe enough to handle it, if not, grab a friend or schedule a counseling appointment and do it with some guidance. And as you get it all out, pray that God will help you heal. Ask Him to fill you with his love and His peace. Then, the hardest part, sit with it. Don’t ignore it. Repeat positive affirmations to yourself and allow God’s love to cover you.

A good way to repeat these to yourself is to take in a deep breath while saying the first part of the verse and then exhale while saying the second part.

Exodus 15:26 I am the Lord, who heals you.

Example: Breath in slowly, repeat “I am the Lord” 

    Exhale slowly, repeat “who heals you”.

Isaiah 53:5 By His wounds we are healed.

Jeremiah 30:17 I will restore you to health and heal your wounds.

1 Peter 2:24 By His wounds you have been healed

God’s Word is where we find healing. Any of your favorite scriptures will work. I just encourage you to take your time and really believe the words that you are saying. After you have taken some time with the Lord I encourage you to do something for your outward self. Take a long hot shower and praise God that you have that luxury and afterwards, put on some smelly lotion and really take your time rubbing it into your skin. Remind yourself that you are God’s child and he loves you and He loves that you are taking time to love yourself. If lotion isn’t your thing, find something that is and do it for yourself today. Maybe indulge in some coffee from your favorite coffee place, take a nap, call a friend that you haven’t talked to in a while… do something that makes you happy. 

Remember God loves you. He sent Jesus to die for you and through Him we receive healing too. It can be a scary first step but you are not alone. 

I’d love to hear how your journey is going and if you’ve decided to join me in the act of self care. Leave a comment below… til next time - Love, Amy

Next post in this series… What He’s Already Brought Me Through