Don't Give Up

Have you ever played the what if game? What if I had more money? What if I had married someone different? What if my kids actually listened to me? What if I had a different job? What if I wasn't so sick all the time? What if I lived in a different house? What if I drove a different car? What if I had responded differently? What if...what if...what if??? This morning it dawned on me that even though I am pushing forward towards what God has next for me and my family there is one major thing I have yet to do. That is to let go of the past. I’m holding on to the life we had before this hurricane blew through and shook our lives into something unrecognizable. Why? Because it was familiar. It was comfortable. I knew what to expect. There are things about our old life that I do not miss. I’ll save that for another day. But what I do miss I miss so much. I have learned so many lessons over the course of the last 22 months that I'm starting to lose count. Each one came with it'

Today I revisited an unpleasant season in my life. This was a season in which I wasn't enjoying my life at all. Not even a small M&M's worth. I watch Joyce Meyer every day and I love her theme "Enjoying Everyday Life". I felt like I had adopted this motto for my own and life and would seek out joy in the smallest of things. I would giggle as I watched the squirrels scurry around and chase one another during my morning walks. My first cup of coffee in the morning was comforting - like sitting down with an old friend. Journaling - Oh how I love writing down all of the wonderful things God was doing in my life. However the luster of all these things had lost their shine. Everything around me seemed dull and I couldn't find color no matter how hard I tried. Our family has endured so many mentally, physically and spiritually taxing circumstances over that last couple of years that I was just living each day in survival mode. Do you know what that is? It’s when yo